Have you ever had one of those conversations with someone when you knew they were not really listening to a word you were saying? I bet you could almost hear them planning what to say next while you were speaking – their eyes taking on a dull glaze as they wait for a pause.
It’s really boring after a while, when you know you’re being heard…just not being listened to.
In the real world, we tend to do what we can to avoid hanging out with these kinds of people. They tend to suck away our energy. Make us feel unimportant. Undervalued and unappreciated.
But – when someone really listens! Not only looks us in the eye, but takes what we have said, tosses it around and then spins it back to us! The conversation expands and evolves and mutates, and takes on a life of its own.
People who really listen add to us, inspire us, challenge us, refute us, contradict us, amplify us.
But online, it’s not so simple.
Online, it’s important to be visible. To look for information to pass along the network. To be seen to “share the love”. But how can we ever really connect with anything – a person or an idea – unless we have taken the time to properly listen first?
Because it’s easy to assume a listening posture from behind the computer screen. It takes seconds to hit RT. One click and you can “like” a Facebook comment. There’s barely any effort involved in giving the impression you are paying attention.
And who’s going to know anyway? You’re still spreading the love – does it matter that you haven’t actually read that person’s blog post? Or followed the link they have suggested? Information moves so quickly that surely it’s more important to be fast and found…than slow and invisible – right?
Of course it matters – if you believe in the power of conversation.
Because when we listen we learn.
But most importantly, when we are listened to we learn even more.
We clarify and contrast. Our ideas are sharpened and our own positions shifted into newer perspectives. A conclusion that we have come to alone is a very different beast to one we arrive at via discussion, illumination, struggle and debate.
Let’s give each other the gift of our attention. Let’s “take it in”, respectfully, and then throw it back out there with a new edge. Let’s take the conversation and run with it.
Perhaps instead of asking – who is listening to me? Ask yourself, how can I listen more?
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That’s one reason why feed readers are so excellent for bloggers – if you can carve out time every day, you can really listen to alternate viewpoints that teach you quite a lot.
Being diligent in that time-carving-out – that’s my current challenge.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog ..How kids REALLY have total recall – Today’s Humor of the Day
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