Chris Brogan posted the fifth video in his Overnight Success series yesterday, and it really got me thinking about the idea of belief systems and how people get sucked in to the story of their own hyped-up greatness.
You see, coming from the opera biz, I know a lot of people who appear to be huge believers in their own awesome press.
(I remember hosting a dinner party where one up-and-coming baritone spent the entire evening flicking through all my opera mags and reading aloud all the great reviews of his performances . The rest of us just rolled our eyes and kept drinking.)
And of course, opera has this great stereotype of the “prima donna” who symbolises this very idea – strutting and pouting her way across the stage demanding the world love her the way she deserves to be loved, and having a catty tantrum when the world fails to deliver the adoration she expects.
But there is something I have always noticed about people who feel the need to loudly broadcast their apparent greatness to the world. It’s not that they believe the hype…it’s that they don’t believe the hype.
The most outwardly arrogant and vain individuals I know always seem to be the most deeply insecure. And the louder they shout about their awesomeness, the less they truly believe it.
When we are young children growing up, we hear our parents say “well done, you were brilliant today”. In a loving home, we actually believe it. In a vulnerable and unsafe family environment, we know there is a contradiction between what we hear and what we know to be true.
As we get older though, we start to get really good at deciding what we know to be true regardless of what anyone else says, and those contradictions just get bigger and more frequent. How many times have you received a compliment only to immediately hear that voice inside your head sneer “yeah, sure, right“…?
Accepting a compliment is an art in itself. Truly believing that compliment to be true…another thing altogether.
I believe that the closer our own self-image is to the hype that surrounds us, the more at ease we are with it and the more we can function normally without losing our humanity. (This is polite for saying “without become an asshole.”)
But the bigger this gap gets, the louder you have to shout to get your voice heard over all that internal “I’m a crap no-talent ugly fat fraud!” screaming going on. And you keep shouting because that way, hopefully, no will get around to discovering that you really aren’t all that anyway…how long can you keep ‘em fooled?
Challenging our own internal belief systems is a big job…but it’s got to be done, and only you can do it. Because you only ever believe what you tell yourself anyway.
Stop listening to the crowd. Stop thinking about the gap between what they say you are and what you think you know is right about you.
Start by just trying to concentrate on the good stuff you are already doing that makes you awesome. Focus on the process. Zoom out from yourself to see the bigger picture. Keep your eye on the intention to do great work, serve and add value.
And start by feeling grateful for where you are…now.
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Great post Natalie!
I always considered “creating a hype” a solution for people who favor a short-term success story over a long-term commitment and vision. We all know that every hype eventually dies, so if a vision has to depend on a hype to survive, that vision will without a doubt die with the hype.
We have to continue to define our own success and how long we want to keep our vision alive, because what we have in mind for ourselves and the people around us, will always differ from the way other people experience our success.
Bert
Great comment Bert. Wayne Dyer puts it this way “Be independent of the good opinion of other people”. Not scornful or dismissive or fawning or needy. Just strong enough in vision and courageous enough to share it. Thank you.
Excellent post, Natalie. I’m glad I found you–thank you for the follow on Twitter!
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