Have you ever stopped to notice how often you complain about something?
Think back over the past 24 hours and try to remember the conversations you had, not just with other people, but with yourself.
What did you spend your time focusing on? The good stuff? Or the stuff that really made you mad, annoyed, sick, upset, depressed or pissed off?
We tend to get a lot of mileage out of being miserable. Why is this? Is it somehow more beautifully tragic? More attainable? A tasty way to get more attention? Or do we place so little trust in our own ability to deal with our negative experiences that we have to seek out the solutions (and sympathy) from other people?
Or maybe it’s just that we’ve learned, over time, that no-one wants to hear how great we’re doing. That would be bragging. Cocky. Just weird.
We can get the same effect by storing up all the crappy stuff in our head instead, like a proud and wounded ninja unwilling to burden those around us with our noble inner turmoil. But the effect is still the same, whether you share it with the world or keep it to an internal monologue.
It’s called focusing on the stuff we hate. And it only breeds more of said stuff to hate. Which makes you talk about it more, think about it, broadcast it to others, label it in neon lights as “true”…before you know it, there goes another funky little failure mantra over and over in your head like a bad song on a loop.
Getting To Love The Bad Stuff - With Abraham And Esther
A few days ago, I had the chance to spend the whole day in a hotel conference room on the Gold Coast watching Esther Hicks do her thing on stage. This was a pure masterclass on the disabling power of focusing on stuff we hate. Surrounded by 750 or so other people (including one Yaro Starak and his mum) and despite being 9 months pregnant and uncomfortable and waddling about the hall trying to get baby to stop wriggling so much, I was transfixed.
Let me tell you – whatever you believe, Esther Hicks and Abraham rock.
At every level, the message resonates with the same underlying principle – fall in love with the contrast in your life.
This goes beyond the simplicity of the Law of Attraction, where you get to manifest whatever you want into your life by becoming a vibrational match to it, like a human magnet. That is only part of the equation, and it is in no way the most important. In fact, the law of attraction is called a law simply because it will happen, regardless of whether you are conscious of it or not. The law itself isn’t under your control.
What you do get to control is how you perceive the stuff you hate in your life. How does it make you feel? How can ascribe a meaning to it that will allow you to observe it and then release it? Can you get to a place of feeling good – no, feeling incredible – about the better, more fantastically wonderful version of your situation lurking just over your shoulder?
Because in Abraham’s version of the universe, every time you experience something that you dislike – something that contradicts or is in contrast to what you are really wanting – an equal and proportionate solution is formed in the world of potential. (Deepak Chopra calls this “the field of infinite possibility” or “pure potential”.)
What this means is that whenever crap occurs, a better and more perfect version also happens. It’s just not in front of you staring you in the face. It’s on 193 FM when the problem you are focusing on is on 901 FM. Now that you’ve noticed the crap, you’ve got to tune out of one frequency and tune back in to the solution on another.
With me so far?
We Need The Bad Stuff To Know How To Appreciate The Goodness
So the real fun (and it’s supposed to be fun) is in allowing the horrible, negative stuff to poke the desire for something better out of you. To use the contrast between what is good in your life and what is not as a way to sift out a better story for yourself. It’s yin and yang. Up and down. Inside and out. Light and darkness. You can’t appreciate one without the other. And sometimes, we just have to get a little of the stuff we don’t want in order to know more clearly exactly what we do want.
Learn To Love Dancing With The Contrast
Abraham wants us to enjoy the contrast in our lives and actually have fun with it. To enjoy the contrast is to appreciate that it is a defining mechanism, a focusing tool that sharpens our real desires into fuller focus. We need it to expand. The universe needs it.
Make peace with the contrast in your life. Abraham put it this way:
Wouldn’t it be great to get to a point where you can say “I’m so enjoying the dysfunctional way in which I work.”
Today, Seth Godin put the same idea into his own words:
Entropy isn’t the enemy, and the goal isn’t for “everything to be all right.” Without random events, there is no dance. There is no good, there is no bad, there’s just what happened. Dance with it.
So try to get jiggy with the bad stuff. When you dance with the bad stuff, you “respect and admire it.” You honour it for what it illuminates for you. Every wrong step, every clumsy shuffle and bruised toe reminds you how graceful a dance you really want your life to become.
If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Most people feel miserable about “the bad stuff” they experience, because they continue to market it to themselves as such. Where one man sees problems and everlasting struggle, someone else is facing the same thing but sees exciting challenges and opportunities.
Unfortunately, those who complain the most are also the ones who are changing the least. They are merely illustrating their inability to take matters into their own hands to change that which they feel doesn’t work.
To complain for the sake of complaining = zero value, therefore zero results. To complain and actually do something about it… that is a completely different story…
Bert Meert´s last blog ..The Power Of Imagination
Heeeeeeey Christie,
Most often, when we just learn to roll with the bad stuff life throws at us, we can quickly convert them to good things – all that matters is if we don’t resist.
This concept always reminds me of an old Taoist story, which went somewhere along the lines of this:
A farmer (in some instances a Zen Master) has but one horse, and one day it ran away. Everyone in the village says, “Oh, how awful!” The farmer just smiles slightly and says, “We’ll see.”
One day, the horse returns, bringing two other beautiful horses with it. The villagers say, “How wonderful!” The farmer just smiles slightly and says, “We’ll see.”
A week later, the farmer’s son was thrown off of one of the new horses and ended up breaking his leg. The villagers say, “How dreadful!” And the farmer smiles slightly and says, “We’ll see.”
The next week, a war broke out, and every man of ability was drafted into the army. But, due to his broken leg, the farmer’s son wasn’t able to go. The villagers say, “How wonderful!” But the farmer still smiles and says, “We’ll see.”
Here, the good and the bad cannot be distinguished, in a way. “Good” fortune leads to “bad” which then leads to “good”. But is any of it really good or bad?
We’ll see.
Have a great day!
Brett
Brett – DareToExpress.com´s last blog ..What Is “Difficult”?
I think this: I think sometimes life sends you a nasty zinger that rocks your reality at a particular time SO THAT a blog post like this can have maximum impact.
If I’d read this post last week I’d have gone, “Oh, very cool. Nice.” Today I’m reading it going, “Oh! Yes! Let it be TRUE that while I’m in a hell in my head, “a better and more perfect version” is also happening… and I just need to tune in over there!”
If this is true (and I feel its truth) then… it’s about *practicing* this way of relating to the little hell I’m in. How completely empowering. And so much more than a lesson in perspective; it’s about skillful means. Making hellishly hard stuff fun is skillful. I wasn’t being at all skillful until I read this. Now I’m all over it.
I CAN “honour it for what it illuminates for me.” I CAN use it “as a focusing tool”. I CAN “get jiggy” with it!
Exponential thanks, Natalie. Truly truly
)) .
I so needed this
this is what I love about the U – no matter how bad things appear, there`s always a rainbow around the corner. I was sad about some contrast today and it helps to hear `play with it` and love the dysfunctional way in which I work. Thanks for the timely post xo Tia aka @TiaSparkles
Coach T.I.A ´s last blog ..Pursuing Happiness Is A Trap & YOU’RE in it.
There is a tendency to bond over misery. It is so easy to do. I remember a
wonderful sunny day in Brisbane running along the river and eavesdropping into a conversation happening between two other women running. A lot of complaining was going on. I thought a beautiful day, a river, a midday run what is there to complain about. I also acknowledged that if I was running with company other than my children in their pram that my conversation most likely would have had a similar theme. I decided then and there that I was going to be more aware of the bonding over misery trap and focus on the celebration instead. It can be a fine lone though as you do need to spend time getting into a rhythm with the bad stuff and understanding how long you want to dance to that tune before tapping to a different beat.
jo-living savvy´s last blog ..Champagne Friday #7
Absolutely right Jo – as women especially we love to talk, and there seems to be a certain virtue attached to revealing our pain to another woman. As if by the act of confiding we are bonding more – and I think this is sad. Why can’t we achieve the same level of intimacy and closeness with another by sharing our positive experiences? Women cen verge towards being suspicious and even envious of another’s happiness (success, slimness, wealth, beauty – you name it, we go green over it.) So it’s a much better tactic socially to bond over the misery instead…you have the right approach! Focus on the celebration! It may alienate some people, but only the people you don’t need around you in the first place.
{ 3 trackbacks }