There is so much being said in the blogsphere about the importance of being authentic. “You must be truly you”. Why?
Because in a world where connections are made in seconds between complete strangers, there is only one shaky platform upon which this immediate gift of trust is built; the belief that the person behind the blog is being honest and transparent and themselves.
But this is a huge leap of faith, surely?
Especially when a paedophile can pretend to be an 8 year old girl in a chatroom. Where the dull guy can re-invent himself on Twitter as Mr.Excitement and boast about his 10,000 dubiously acquired “friends”.
And yet… as bloggers, we still repeat the “authentic” mantra. As if we had a choice anyway – most one-man-show bloggers either write for others or they write about their cat. If you are relying on yourself for all of your material, then you won’t get very far pretending you are something you’re not.
Better to be the weirdest most authentic fish in a huge pond, right?
But at what point do you go from being truly yourself to that murky place where what you do, write and say in public is just a flimsy pretence? The place where your story is simply an act to please your audience?
If you believe what people say about you, you have to believe ALL of it
Let’s just remember for a minute that this is a universal problem for anyone who chooses to “put themselves out there.”
I did it everytime I walked out on stage to sing. I may have been unrecognizably me – squeezed into a corset with a hooped petticoat a mile wide and a wig glued to my head – but I was still “Natalie Christie – soprano”.
And then I would have to spend the following day dodging the papers to avoid reading whatever the culture-vultures had to say about what I did.
Because when the applause is loud and the praise is flowing all over you like a warm shower, life is really good. I felt like a right little star when the papers said I was the next big thing.
But like my agent said to me in the dressing room of the Sydney Opera House, “If you believe the good reviews, then you have to believe the bad”. And when you get the bad reviews…believe me it really does hurt like hell.
Singing is one of those “look at me I’m standing here naked!” kind of professions, where you physically ARE what you DO and when someone hates what you do enough to put it into print for everyone else to see…
(This actually happened to me not in the papers, but on television. On the BBC. I didn’t answer the phone or leave the house or stop sobbing for three days. And there was quite a lot of wine involved.)
We have to understand that people are always going to say really awful things about us or our work, and that there is no pleasing everyone all of the time. If we choose to put our lives into the public domain with our blogging, then this is the risk we have to accept. Sometimes our detractors will make their disdain public, other times they will just lamely whisper it behind your back.
So do I just have to put up with it?
Who is the authentic “you” anyway? Do you behave the same way around your mum as you do your best friend? Would you speak to your boss in the same way as your lover? No! (Unless of course, they are in fact the same person.)
In reality you are a zillion different versions of you depending on who you are with. Just ask Frank Kern (I think he has at least three just for the purposes of marketing.)
Even if you discover an “authentic you” that you are so happily and easily aligned with – and you know with conviction that what you think is exactly what you say and you could defend it till your last breath – it won’t make any difference. It is still going to hurt like hell when they tear you down. You’re only human.
My advice is this: make sure the story you are telling is the one you want to tell, not the one you think they want to hear.
Get to the core of who you are by looking at your values. Your beliefs. Be prepared to defend anything you say in public or publish on your blog with every bone in your body. Because from where I’m sitting, that is all I’ve got to go on.
So until I get to hug you like a scary (but nice) stalker at a Blog Expo someday, you are an avatar. A collection of pithy tweets. And with any luck, your thought-provoking, inspiring, challenging, controversial and creative collection of words on a computer screen will grab me by the scruff of my neck and take me somewhere amazing.
All I ask is that you don’t – ever – censor yourself. Isn’t that is what authenticity is all about?
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Natalie
I found your blog via someone else’s tweet. You raise some interesting topics
Two years ago I quit a well-paying job to follow my own star (maaan) and work as a freelance writer. I was driven partly by a motivation to work for myself, but also to spend my days doing work that really meant something to me.
I knew it would be hard, but in all honesty, it’s been harder than I thought. For every time when something great happens (e.g. I get a new commission from a magazine editor, or see one of my stories on print) there are many, many more times when the phone doesn’t ring, emails don’t arrive and editors turn down my pitches – or worse – ignore them completely.
I’m beginning to understand how actors must feel when they’re rejected at auditions – but keep turning up, time after time, because they want to do something they truly love. You’re right: being true to yourself is bloody hard going!
Just as well I’m the tenacious type …
I agree, Fiona, that freelancing and following your dream can be really tough. It can seem like a lot of effort for not much return. Sometimes, when I hit brick walls, I wonder if it’s because, deep down, I think I can’t do it or that it’s meant to be difficult! Don’t know about you, but I was brought up to think life is not meant to be easy…
So, I am currently watching my self-talk and expectations – am I perpetuating the struggle, do I value what I do, do I believe in myself? To help me on my way, I have gone back to an excellent book,The Artist’s Way, which I read and worked through some years ago. It’s helpful in weeding out those nagging voices in the head.
I think it’s a good idea to nurture the creative side of things when the going gets tough and the economy nosedives!
Great point Fiona – The Artist's Way is a valuable tool for getting in touch with the way we talk to ourselves. It's interesting that you mention you were brought up to think life's not meant to be easy – so much of what we struggle with is about approaches we have defined unconsciously or that are defined for us by our parents or education…spending time with our inner voice can literally speak volumes about what we are presuming instead of actively choosing.
And your creative side is absolutely your best weapon in difficult times. I would even argue that it the people and business willing to be creative, think laterally and from different perspectives are the only ones who can thrive in such circumstances.
Great point Fiona – The Artist's Way is a valuable tool for getting in touch with the way we talk to ourselves. It's interesting that you mention you were brought up to think life's not meant to be easy – so much of what we struggle with is about approaches we have defined unconsciously or that are defined for us by our parents or education…spending time with our inner voice can literally speak volumes about what we are presuming instead of actively choosing.
And your creative side is absolutely your best weapon in difficult times. I would even argue that it the people and business willing to be creative, think laterally and from different perspectives are the only ones who can thrive in such circumstances.
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