How NOT To Have A Nervous Breakdown

(Warning: there are a few swear words in this post. Eek, I know! But I couldn’t help it. Apologies if you are easily offended.)

You may remember that I’m currently dealing with a slippery fear monster who is actually stalking me.

I hear it tapping the windows of my bedroom at night. I’ll be in the middle of something, and BAM! I swear I can see it next to me but when I turn around there’s nothing there. Sometimes, I can actually feel its breath on the back of my neck.

I’m sick of this creepiness.

Because it feels like my fear is out to get me. And over the past few days, and I’ve been feeling really ill. And low. And weepy.

I even used the word “breakdown” this morning.

*Deep Breath*

You see, when I started The Tiny Soprano 6 months ago, my orginal impetus was to create a platform for a global Twestival-style charity event for opera lovers. As a way of showing how tiny things (I.E. me) could make a big difference (I.E. get singers to stop drinking in the pub and start doing something awesome like help build a well.)

But very quickly I discovered that I could write about life and I could write about music pretty much the same way. Which completely blew my mind. So the blog grew to become a place to explore life and change and fear and growth – but with really beautiful music playing in the background.

A month or so passed, and then I discovered Twitter. Which destroyed any dreams of ever lolling around doing bugger all in whatever spare time I had left. *Ah…pointless sofa lolling…sigh*

However, the real craziness started when I began having ideas. For collaborations. For interview series, and books and just blissed out conversations with the people I was “meeting” online who just got me. (No blank stares and glassed eye boredom here! Not like my own FAMILY who haven’t even visited my blog let alone have anything to say about it.)

I got talking to Megan on Triiibes where we’d both been hanging out, completely unaware that we shared a singing thang (and a WELSH singing thing at that). Next thing you know we’re working on all sorts of goodies to combine our magical-music-idea-whizzy-powers. Like our Pigeonhole Evacuation Kit*. (Isn’t that a cool name?) Yay for collaboration!

Then I put it out to the world that I wanted to make a recording – and do you know what happened? I was contacted two weeks ago by a boutique label about exploring doing a recording with a legendary conductor. The kind of conductor who has a “SIR” in front of his name. Who I’m singing for – in two weeks.

Again, those who have been with me for a while will know I took a break from singing to have my tiny flock of mini-mes, and that it’s been a few years since I stood center stage as a proper diva. And I’m now stuck with a neglected post-baby diaphragm, no less. But it’s meant I’ve been kicked into warming up my voice every day, and singing arias that I haven’t touched in ages. And the more I practise the better it sounds, until I’m even imagining my dream of singing at the Met in New York may actually come true.

So here’s me, spinning plates – my blog, my baby, my kids, the dishes, the voice, the thing with Megan, the flying to Melbourne to sing for legendary conductor thing, the phone bill (which I’m loathe to deal with – oh how I despise thee, TELSTRA) and that’s before I’ve even finished unpacking from my move. Or washing my hair, even.

All these chunks of terrifying that keep landing on my head.

And then I find this.

*slaps forehead*

And this, too.

Go ahead and read them now. Don’t worry, I’ll wait….

*stares out of window waiting for you to come back*

So you see? Now it’s all ok!

Because I chose this. And it’s truly up to me to choose how I perceive the craziness.

I can choose to be stressed about it – because somewhere along the line I decided – unconsciously – that the truth of my situation was stressful.

Or…

I can examine what the facts are and then rewrite what my truth really is.

Breakdown averted. Hoorah!

Because the truth is I am being inundated with gorgeousness.

The universe is responding to me with such immediacy and brilliance that I should welcome the craziness with open arms, ask it to get comfy and make it some tea and cake.

That I can accept the stuff I have to do is not necessarily the stuff I need to do.

That I can get off whenever I want.

That I am perfectly capable of dealing with said craziness like the powerful little diva that I am.

And that I am already streets ahead. I started my blog. I reached out and made connections. I unpacked my opera scores and sheet music just in case.

I even had a baby in the middle of all of this. I mean, I built a whole new person, dammit!

So fuck it. I can do anything.

And so can you.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Has “deciding to choose” empowered you or made you feel even more pressured? Do you have a situation where you need to create your own truth? And how do you deal with stress so you feel capable rather than terrified?

* P.S For the more beady-eyed among you, this is just to say our Pigeonhole Evacuation Kit (or PEK…how onomatopoeic is that?) will be launched in the first week of April. Which is really soon. Argh!)

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
Is It Really Worth The Sacrifice?
Are You Ready To Give Yourself Permission? Part One – Why I’m Mad At My Kids

Tagged as: abundance, choice, comfort queen, fear, jen louden, Megan E. Morris, pigeonhole evacuation kit, triiibes