As I begin my last day posting here I wanted to give you a heads up on a couple of things as I begin to say goodbye to Tiny.

Fearless In The Face Of Karaoke – UPDATE

First, let me say a huge “YOU ROCK!” to those incredibly courageous and inspiring people who have already recorded their songs for my Sing Your Truth Fearless Karaoke Festival! (Believe me, you’ll be blown away by these awesome people when you see them – some big names, too.)

If you want to be included in the vid – you have until Thursday 9pm EST to get yours to me. Read the instructions and get recording before it’s too late. Remember, you don’t have to sing – just be courageous and fiercely fearless!

UNBlog Yourself!

I was honoured to be interviewed by the Swedish charmer Samuel Tornqvist for his blog UnblogYourself.com about my approach to creativity. I was surprisingly articulate given that all of my interviews are done when the sun isn’t even up yet – so if you want to hear my thoughts on getting unstuck creatively, on flow, processes and support systems that I use to help me do what I do, then check it out here.

One day to Go before The Big Move!

xxx

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Fearless Karaoke
We Raised $120 For Haiti!
A “Thank You” To All The Tiny Soprano Readers

Are you ready to show the world how fearless you can be? With your voice?

Ways this could work.

You could stand on a busy station at rush hour and belt out a few tunes with nothing but an upturned hat on the ground and a scribbled list of songs.

If that’s too much, what about singing karaoke? It’s dark, you’re probably a few drinks under the table, and your friends are so pissed they’ll scream for more no matter how bad you are. Much easier. Plus you get to choose the song.

With that in mind, I now have the pleasure of presenting to you….

The Sing Your Truth Fearless Karaoke Extravaganza!

Yes, as some of you may have noticed from my ramblings on Twitter, I am almost done with preparations for the Big Move.

In less than 48 hours, you will find my usual divatastic insights and inspiration at my new address -  SingYourTruth.com. (The site is still password-protected, so no peeking!)

There will be more details in the coming days, but as part of the launch of my new site, I’m putting together a very special video.

I wanted to do something different for the launch that was musical as well as challenging – that shows what it really takes to be fearless and independent of the good opinion of other people…

What else could it be but Karaoke – but with a twist!

What is it?

I’m putting together a short video of awesome people singing along, karaoke-style, to “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. (I know it’s cheesy. But I defy you to listen to this song and not want to rush out and conquer the world.)

And I want YOU to be in it.

What do you need?

A web cam, an internet connection, a microphone, possibly an MP3 player and probably a few stiff drinks.

But I can’t sing! Are you nuts???

You don’t even have to sing. You could speak it. You can play air guitar. Or do the Bob Dylan thing and hold up some cards with the words written on them. Or mime, even. But if you have a voice, use it!

Three easy steps to Karaoke Stardom!

1. Here’s the YouTube link – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZhWmyAhWig
2. Listen to the song through your headphones while recording yourself singing on your mic and webcam. Awesome crazy scary fun.
3. Email me at thetinysoprano {at} gmail {dot} com to let me know you’ve done it!

Then I will edit together all of the videos I get into one song! It will be done with consideration and no one will be made to look foolish.

Sounds complicated…

I promise it’s easy.

The most important thing is that you sing along to the karaoke track without letting the actual karaoke track on to your recording.

That way it’s all easy-peasy for me to edit. This is important.

So if you listen to the song through your headphones, make sure it’s not up too loud.

If your computer/software insists on recording what you are hearing through your headphones, then you may find it easier to just download the backing track as an MP3 and listening to it play from your iPod or MP3 player.

You can very quickly create an MP3 of the karaoke version by copying the YouTube url above into http://www.listentoyoutube.com/ and it will convert it to an MP3 that you can download. (This is fantastic for anything on YouTube by the way.)

Do I have to do the whole song?

You can do as much or as little as you like. The song is only 3 minutes long.

But for those of you who are a little less bashful, why not record the whole song first, then go in again and vary the camera shots? Perhaps a few close ups, or grab a friend and dance, or play air guitar or drums. Be creative

But I really hate Queen/don’t even know this song!

Hmm, this is perfectly reasonable. If this is YOU, then why not film yourself APPLAUDING? I can then include you at the end giving all of the singers a cheer! If this is an option for you, just go ahead and do it NOW.

Then what happens?

The finished video will have a full credit sequence at the end with the names of everyone who appeared, as well as little profiles on my site for link love.

I may also approach you for an interview for the site afterwards – on how the experience may/or may not have scared you stupid, made you feel self-conscious, or a even encouraged you to be a little more fearless.

What if I’m just too embarrassed/scared/timid/paranoid to put my voice out there?

I know and I understand. Is there any way you can turn this into a challenge? An adventure? A personal epic battle against your own terrible fear goblin? As an opportunity to experience the fear of criticism but say **** it, I’m going to stand up and sing just for the joy of it?

I’m in! When do I do it?

Wheeee!!!!!!!!! Now get recording and email me to let me know you’ve done it by Thursday 15th July 9pm EST.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me! Literally!

If you’re up for being a star, add yourself to my glorious list of people who are striving to be Fearless in the Face of Karaoke! Join me in the comments….

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

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What The World Cup Can Teach You About Singing Away Your Fear

It was just after 4am. Hubby and I turned on the football to hear what sounds like the biggest, angriest bee hive in the universe.

Hubby had his Italian head on, wherein he reverts to his Neapolitan genetic heritage like a true Mamma’s boy and starts shouting “Viva, Italia!” and “My son, he will play football!” Sweet.

As we settled in with hot coffee and the promise of a great game, it was time for the national anthems. The cameraman stood poised at the top of the Italian lineup as they jiggled and jumped in their boots, all tattoos and tanned swarthiness.

The Italian anthem with all its brass flag-waving jauntiness kicks in…

And we were stunned to see the boys singing at the tops of their voices.

No mumbling, shifty attempts to lip-synch their way around having to look patriotic. No silent, steely-eyed gaze that said I’m Too Focused On Winning To Sing (but really I don’t know the words and I’m also worried the camera will pick up how crap my voice is.) No half-arsed squeeking here!

Never before had we witnessed such vocal abandon! Lustily they plowed on, hairy eyebrows raised sky-high on the high notes. Big, puffed out chests, clear diction and even a brave stab at staying perfectly in time with the backing track.

God knows how nervous they were. Defending champions. Pressure to be glamorous and flamboyant and technically awesome. Millions of people tuning in to watch their performance.

Could there be any more eyes on you than this?

What better way to channel all of that adreneline than to sing?

You don’t have to be a tightly-wound football player on the world stage to experience a little stage fright of your own. That feeling of psychotic-butterflies on caffeine overload having a debauched rave in the pit of your stomach? It’s normal when we are faced with something our lizard brain is trying to get us to run the hell away from.

That crazy sick oh-shit feeling you have is adrenaline that has got to go somewhere. You are now a can of Coke that has been violently shaken by the Bad Ass Fear Fairy and that level of frothy scare needs to be let out. It’s a huge amount of raw energy that needs something to do.

Singing is perfect because it channels your fear.

When you’re nervous and terrified and you start to sing, it’s impossible to stay nervous and terrified. You might start like a mouse, with a whisper and a blushing croak. But once you hit your stride, try staying scared now.

There’s nothing to be scared of. Deep down you know that life’s just a game.

The whole of it. This football match. That stressful deadline. The oh-shit-I-must-do-something-meaningful-with-my-talents drama.

If the nerves and the stage-fright are kicking in and you feel yourself bobbing up and down in your shoes desperate to start running in the opposite direction, why not take a tip from the Italian boys and start singing? Something, anything? Put on a song and sing your heart out. Or play the tune in your head and karaoke wildly along with it.

Let the fear go with a song!

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Can you choose something that becomes your Anthem For Fear-Busting? Is there a fizzy build-up of fear that you could dissipate with a little random, unabashed karaoke?

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Have you ever caught yourself projecting? I mean, when you notice that you’re actively judging someone for something that you should really be working on yourself?

Like criticising your parents for hoarding and never being able to just let go of things. Despite the fact that every drawer of your desk is filled with clippings and paper that you, too, can’t bear to part with.

Or railing against your selfish friend who thinks she’s so much better than you, when you inwardly fear that you are indeed a failure.

I’ve never really given much thought to the idea of projecting until I began devouring a book called The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self this past week. It’s written by Debbie Ford, Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson, although the Shadow phenomenon is very much Debbie Ford’s Jungian passion.

Your shadow is described as the parts of ourselves we deny but that still have power over us. Your shadow depends on a belief system that began to be constructed when you were small.

That time you raised your voice too loudly,  and were told to be quiet. When your friends laughed at you, and you felt ashamed of being stared at. When you were told to stay still and stop wriggling.

Over time we create a version of ourselves that is fashioned from the criticism or approval we receive. An ego-driven version that may be suffocating the full expression of ourselves. Who we think we “should” be as opposed to who we “could” be. It steals away our choices.

For me, it was when my parents divorced when I was five, and my dad simply disappeared. I didn’t see him again for years. Cue major abandonment issues and huge sticky fear of being unwanted. Add to the mix a severe teenage weight problem, a step-father who couldn’t stay away from laying it all on the gee-gees and a mother who couldn’t resist laying it all on the Johnny Walker.

Needless to say, I have one hell of a Shadow.

And you know what’s almost hysterically funny? That I’m even writing about this here at all.

You see, I’ve accepted that my personal journey is to allow myself to be who I am, without fear of being rejected. To embrace the whole messy history and say proudly, this is what made me. And to be grateful for the whittling away, the firing in the potter’s furnace.

But to put it out here? The whole me? Are you crazy?

Because I gave up therapy long ago as it felt soooo indulgent. Sitting and talking over and over about my dreadful problems seemed to me to be a complete waste of time. What is past, is past, so what. Just stop complaining and get on with it.

As I grew wiser (oh grasshopper), my coaching and love for all things self-realization taught me that perhaps this isn’t a technique that works for everybody. And certainly this book challenges us to stop ignoring our demons and hope they’ll go away. Because that only makes them stronger.

Instead, we are called to go straight to our most vulnerable negative beliefs and embrace them. And by recognising them we can then use their power over us in positive ways. To allow us more choice about how we want to live our lives. And in my book, anything that gives us more choice is GOOD.

When we see the gifts nestled in our shadows, we begin to “extract the gold in the dark”:

…we bring radical honesty to the places where we’ve been in denial; forgiveness and compassion to the parts we’ve been ashamed of; love and acceptance to the difficult experiences from our past; and courage to the areas of our life where we’ve been afraid to admit our vulnerabilities. It’s not a process of smoothing over, or covering up, or pretending that the things we do to sabotage our success are not that big a deal. In fact only by admitting the cost of some of our behaviours will we unlock the energy to defy the gravitational pull of our past and step into the infinite possibilities of our true self.

And funnily enough, when we are kind to ourselves in this way, it means we are more ready to show the same generosity to others who are in the arms of the same shadows.

If you feel your life is sometimes like a soap opera with the same storyline playing out over and over, chances are that a beasty of a belief is lurking in your shadow, too. Here are some strategies that I found most useful from this book:

1. Start with being non-judgemental. Give yourself a break from the incessant criticism – of not being kind enough or generous enough or hard-working enough. Meet yourself where you are now and go from there.
2. Notice the yuk feelings then let them go. When you feel affected in a negative way by someone else’s actions or words, chances are you’re projecting. This is a sure sign that there’s a kink in the road at your end that could do with some attention. Go there, acknowledge how it feels and then look for a quality in that kink that would serve you. If it’s selfishness, ask yourself “How can selfishness be a good thing?” Sometimes selfish is what gets books written, for example.
3. Rebuild your emotional body. Deepak writes, “If you had a rock in your shoe, you wouldn’t hesitate to remove it. Yet how long have you endured emotional rocks in your shoe?” If it feels horrible, that’s a sign to find something that feels better. So start practising better feelings at every opportunity. I’m a huge believer in the power of this as personally it has changed my life completely.

So much of my brain this week has been devoted to thinking about how I can be as authentic with myself – and with you – as I can possibly be. So I’ve really appreciated the message of this book.  I trust that it will help me to forgive the shadows in my past a little more willingly. And to be as open as I can be to the expression of every tiny bit of craziness that makes me who I am.

(If you’re interested in learning more, you may like to view the trailer for the book too.)

I am on a mission to help you find other brilliant, inspiring and provoking books and articles to help you be the change you want to see. This is the first in what will be a regular series of reviews here on the site – every week I look forward to sharing my thoughts on a resource that may end up being The Book That Changed Your Life. If you go on to buy using my links then you’ll be helping me to keep this site blissfully ad free. And I want you to recommend your favourites too! More soon…

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
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How Well Do You REALLY Know Yourself?

As some of you may have noticed, stuck is the word of the year so far.

Look, there’s Stuck on the red carpet! And on the cover of Help! magazine. Here’s a a really dodgy picture of a topless Stuck smooching with someone on a beach. (In fact, there’s probably someone feeling Stuck right now.)

Yes, indeed. Stuck is at the podium, every day, giving another tedious acceptance speech for the honour of ruining another person’s fabulousness.

So why are we honouring Stuck with so much damn attention?

The more I see stuff about Stuck everywhere, the more Stuck seems to show up, flaunting its latest frock in front of my face and daring me to look away.

I want to stop talking about Stuck for a moment.

*A single tumbleweed drifts by.*

That’s better. I want to talk about Trust instead.

Trust is like the Indie alternative to Stuck.

Trust is kooky. Quirky. Unique only to you.

When you’re with Trust you can go anywhere you like. But it’s always downstream, easy, no bumps against the rocks at the bottom.

Trust floats. Trust is bouyant.

Trust is cool with that. Trust is yeah, whatever turns you on. Trust makes you feel like the most gorgeous person in the room.

So why not talk more about Trust? About how much you trust yourself? Why not look at your situation and say, “I can trust that it will work. I can trust that the process is for a point.”

Why not allow Stuck to just do its thing somewhere else, while you hang out with Trust on bikes in the forest somewhere in your head, where it’s sunny and there’s a cool breeze, and you have a picnic in your pannier bags and an eye for the perfect sprawling tree to sit beneath?

Because even if you get a puncture and the weather turns, so what? Movie moments are made for kissing under sheets of thunder, soaked to the skin.

Much more fun.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Why are we STILL talking about Stuck? Isn’t there a better word we can use? One that goes along with us for the ride instead of gluing us to the spot? Thoughts please!

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“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.” ~ Robert Fritz.
“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” – J.K. Rowling

I read a tweet first thing today that went something like this:

“Great day. Awesome yoga class this morning, now sitting in airport lounge at JFK enjoying a drink. Nice!”

Such a seemingly innocuous, harmless little tweet.

But at 5am in the morning, in the dark, it was like a red rag to a bull for me.

When was the last time I sat quietly enjoying a drink in anticipation of a flight somewhere? Or actually made it to a yoga class? Why can’t I just decide to jet off and have the points or credit card to do the whole lounge thing?

Ooh, I was suddenly really, really MAD. Mad with frustration and envy. Mad because I had things holding me down. Mad because I know I have a violent unlived life bubbling away under the crust of my day to day.

I was mad at my kids.

If I didn’t have kids I would be SO much richer. I would be having sex all the time. I could leave nice things that were breakable on shelves below eye level. I could lie on the sofa and read a book during the day on a weekend without feeling guilty about my husband having to clothe/bath/feed/entertain/perform damage limitation/counsel/bandage up/prise apart…whatever.

I could actually have one of those movie mornings where I wake up in a fresh white linen bed, passionately kiss my man, romp, eat breakfast and drink hot, fresh coffee while poring over the papers, romp some more, then emerge for a walk somewhere bracing and picturesque.

Ha!

I was mad…suddenly all I could see were seemingly childless women everywhere on Twitter. Doing retreats. Slipping off to yoga and then curling up with a book at night. Leaping off to conferences and tweeting madly from Vegas over too much champagne.

In my moment of Mad, it didn’t matter that these women might be miserable. Or that they might trade everything to have a gurgling bundle of chubbly baby in their arms. All I felt was twisting, angry jealousy that I was squeezing every inch of writing I could into the dark, cold hours of morning before my day became a muddy fingerpainting of food and nappies and cleaning up toys and putting away the HUGE baskets of laundry that three children somehow manifest.

A full two coffees later, and The Mad had gratefully eased off a little. I realised that I was mad at a much bigger, messier picture.

What was I really envying? The travel? Yes. The connections and me-times and networking? Absolutely.

But these things are not about my children.

They are about giving myself permission.

I could go on a retreat. I just don’t allow myself because it wouldn’t be fair to leave the children with my husband on his weekend off.

I could fly somewhere, anywhere. I just don’t because there are few places I would ever want to go without my family to come along and enjoy the ride, and buying five plane tickets is crazy expensive.

And that movie morning thing? I could so totally make that happen if I wanted to. (And if the movie morning thing turned into pile of kids on the bed, sitting on the papers and spilling scrambled egg all over the duvet, then that could still be fun.)

Because the truth behind The Mad is this:

You don’t have to have kids to have a handbrake holding you back from what you give yourself permission to do. It’s just that kids make the challenge to negotiate through the chaos greater.

Kids are massive, volcanic calls to action. They summon you out of your slumber (literally and metaphorically!) and shake your arse in the air, screaming “Do something now! Make it important! Leave me a legacy! If you want it, JUST MAKE the time!”

Because with kids you have no choice. You have to want it so bad that you stay up, like Gary Vee, until 3am to make it happen. You have to properly decide it’s worth doing and then give yourself permission to do it, without guilt.

So for all you women out there living a relatively hand-brake free life, I say this – you have so much freedom. Don’t forget to give yourself the permission to do what your freedom so blissfully allows you to do.

And I’ll keep working on giving myself the permission to do even more.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

What parts of your unlived life are begging to be let loose? What thing do you most want to do that only needs you to say “yes”? Can you give yourself – today – the permission to do one secretly haboured, magnificent thing?

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I had the privilege when I was 20 years old of learning from the stupendous Dame Joan Sutherland. She was a vocal titan, but in person remarkably grounded in an earthy, no nonsense Australian diva kind of way.

I would start to sing a phrase and she would interject with probably the most valuable piece of advice I have ever received -

“Stop. Think of the note before you sing it.”

So, before I even started to make a sound, I would focus silently on the quality of the sound I wanted to make, the way I wanted the vowel to be shaped in my mouth, and the intention behind the words I was about to sing.

The difference this advice made to me as an artist and as a person was profound. When I followed her advice,  I felt strong. More in control, of my voice and my craft. It was not about me so much anymore, but about the music and the responsibility I had been blessed with – to do it justice, to make it sing, to move people.

Can you sense why that’s a BIG shift?

Because intention shifts the focus away from the outcome – “Oh please let her like my voice!” to the process – “How do I want this note to sound?”

And when we shift from outcome to process, we dislodge ourselves from the fear and unpredictability of the future.

We plant ourselves firmly in the here and now.

Think of the note before you sing it. How can you use this?

If you are feeling a little out of control, or that your day is always at the mercy of other people’s whims – just take a quiet moment to ask yourself, “What is it, at this very moment, that I want?”

If you’re about to make a phone call, don’t just lunge at the phone and dial blindly while thinking of a hundred other things you have to do afterwards. Pause, and quietly decide why you are calling and what the best outcome for you would be. Then go into the call with this intention in mind.

Or if you are writing an email to someone, pay attention to why you are writing. Don’t just dash off a three syllable one liner. (Unless that’s consciously what you want!)

If your partner is winding you up and you start to hear yourself saying things you don’t mean in the kind of sarcastic voice you secretly loathe, leave the room. Breathe. What are you really trying to say? How can you just get there - now – without all of the shouting and periphery ego-wrangling that isn’t what you want at all?

It’s about making an effort to do everything – from brushing your teeth to reading your child a bedtime story to buying a loaf of bread – with an awareness of exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it.

You will gain so much clarity from this exercise – because when you ask yourself for an intention, what you are really asking is “How can I live this moment fully? With the attention it deserves?”

And you are giving youself a measure of success – by asking “What do I want?” you can decide more readily if you actually succeeded in getting it. There’s a great deal of power in creating your own benchmarks. When your rules for success are fuzzy and undefined, how will you know if you ever get it right?

This is living.

Your life is a collection of nows, not a list of things to do tomorrow or a journal stuffed with reminicences. It is NOW. This moment. That is all there is.

So savour your now by being as aware as you can be of every tiny, little second of it. Intend to feel good. Intend to be generous. Intend to be attentive to everything around you, with all of your senses.

Think before you plunge yourself into the myriad actions and reactions that make up the magic of your life. Decide what you want, so you’ll know if you get it. And start living at the centre of each and every remarkable moment that you have.

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How To Start “In The Breath”
Chris Brogan, Hype and Prima Donnas
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(Warning: there are a few swear words in this post. Eek, I know! But I couldn’t help it. Apologies if you are easily offended.)

You may remember that I’m currently dealing with a slippery fear monster who is actually stalking me.

I hear it tapping the windows of my bedroom at night. I’ll be in the middle of something, and BAM! I swear I can see it next to me but when I turn around there’s nothing there. Sometimes, I can actually feel its breath on the back of my neck.

I’m sick of this creepiness.

Because it feels like my fear is out to get me. And over the past few days, and I’ve been feeling really ill. And low. And weepy.

I even used the word “breakdown” this morning.

*Deep Breath*

You see, when I started The Tiny Soprano 6 months ago, my orginal impetus was to create a platform for a global Twestival-style charity event for opera lovers. As a way of showing how tiny things (I.E. me) could make a big difference (I.E. get singers to stop drinking in the pub and start doing something awesome like help build a well.)

But very quickly I discovered that I could write about life and I could write about music pretty much the same way. Which completely blew my mind. So the blog grew to become a place to explore life and change and fear and growth – but with really beautiful music playing in the background.

A month or so passed, and then I discovered Twitter. Which destroyed any dreams of ever lolling around doing bugger all in whatever spare time I had left. *Ah…pointless sofa lolling…sigh*

However, the real craziness started when I began having ideas. For collaborations. For interview series, and books and just blissed out conversations with the people I was “meeting” online who just got me. (No blank stares and glassed eye boredom here! Not like my own FAMILY who haven’t even visited my blog let alone have anything to say about it.)

I got talking to Megan on Triiibes where we’d both been hanging out, completely unaware that we shared a singing thang (and a WELSH singing thing at that). Next thing you know we’re working on all sorts of goodies to combine our magical-music-idea-whizzy-powers. Like our Pigeonhole Evacuation Kit*. (Isn’t that a cool name?) Yay for collaboration!

Then I put it out to the world that I wanted to make a recording – and do you know what happened? I was contacted two weeks ago by a boutique label about exploring doing a recording with a legendary conductor. The kind of conductor who has a “SIR” in front of his name. Who I’m singing for – in two weeks.

Again, those who have been with me for a while will know I took a break from singing to have my tiny flock of mini-mes, and that it’s been a few years since I stood center stage as a proper diva. And I’m now stuck with a neglected post-baby diaphragm, no less. But it’s meant I’ve been kicked into warming up my voice every day, and singing arias that I haven’t touched in ages. And the more I practise the better it sounds, until I’m even imagining my dream of singing at the Met in New York may actually come true.

So here’s me, spinning plates – my blog, my baby, my kids, the dishes, the voice, the thing with Megan, the flying to Melbourne to sing for legendary conductor thing, the phone bill (which I’m loathe to deal with – oh how I despise thee, TELSTRA) and that’s before I’ve even finished unpacking from my move. Or washing my hair, even.

All these chunks of terrifying that keep landing on my head.

And then I find this.

*slaps forehead*

And this, too.

Go ahead and read them now. Don’t worry, I’ll wait….

*stares out of window waiting for you to come back*

So you see? Now it’s all ok!

Because I chose this. And it’s truly up to me to choose how I perceive the craziness.

I can choose to be stressed about it – because somewhere along the line I decided – unconsciously – that the truth of my situation was stressful.

Or…

I can examine what the facts are and then rewrite what my truth really is.

Breakdown averted. Hoorah!

Because the truth is I am being inundated with gorgeousness.

The universe is responding to me with such immediacy and brilliance that I should welcome the craziness with open arms, ask it to get comfy and make it some tea and cake.

That I can accept the stuff I have to do is not necessarily the stuff I need to do.

That I can get off whenever I want.

That I am perfectly capable of dealing with said craziness like the powerful little diva that I am.

And that I am already streets ahead. I started my blog. I reached out and made connections. I unpacked my opera scores and sheet music just in case.

I even had a baby in the middle of all of this. I mean, I built a whole new person, dammit!

So fuck it. I can do anything.

And so can you.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Has “deciding to choose” empowered you or made you feel even more pressured? Do you have a situation where you need to create your own truth? And how do you deal with stress so you feel capable rather than terrified?

* P.S For the more beady-eyed among you, this is just to say our Pigeonhole Evacuation Kit (or PEK…how onomatopoeic is that?) will be launched in the first week of April. Which is really soon. Argh!)

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
Is It Really Worth The Sacrifice?
Are You Ready To Give Yourself Permission? Part One – Why I’m Mad At My Kids

Fear.

A horribly drunk and evil gatecrasher of the party that is your life.

It bitches in the kitchen behind your back about how dreadful the food is, how much your colleagues are bored by your work and how you’re boyfriend is flirting with that girl from marketing in the next room.

It steals the cash from your wallet and pinches the fat that peeks over the top of your jeans.

Fear is basically a bastard.

But it’s also kind of sexy.

Fear is kind of like those people you know you shouldn’t fancy because they screw everyone and make you feel awful, used, insecure and ugly. But somehow you just can’t help going back for more.

Because it’s addictive, this obsession with fear. And when all the vodka is drunk, the place is trashed and you wake up feeling like death, its pretty damn useful to have nasty old fear to pin the blame on.

But it still ruins your party. You spend weeks trying to get the stains out of the fabric of your life.

So how do you deal with fear crashing your party?

You could try not inviting the bastard to come at all. In which case you’ll probably spend all night anxiously waiting for the doorbell, being fearful of fear not showing up because you’re not cool enough. Or hot enough.

You can try feeling the fear. Which is probably a really bad idea in this scenario, as we have already agreed that fear is rather sexy and addictive, and any unrestrained cavorting with fear will only make you feel worse when you are caught in a compromising position amongst a pile of coats.

Perhaps ignoring the fear could work. Especially that kind of “I’m ignoring you but really I fancy the hell out of you so I’ll ignore you but occasionally catch your eye and then suddenly look away but then straight back again” kind of ignoring. Which we all know is a big fat lie. The bastard is in the room and you are clocking every move.

So how to get the fear out of your party – or at least out of the center of the room – for good? Here are three ways that might work for you;

• Try humanising it. For example, we would all probably concur that Robert Pattinson is hot. And that Beyonce is a bit of alright, too. But verily, they doth burp. And probably pick their noses. This is your opportunity to notice what is unattractively human about the fear. Is there a pimple somewhere you can zone in on, an overly flourishing nose hair maybe? Or a just a really unattractive voice? (David Beckham springs to mind.) Strip away the celebrity perfection of the fear and you may feel the shakes disappear.

• Allow the fear. This isn’t the same as feeling the fear. This is where you just let it get on with making a mess everywhere else, while you focus on enjoying yourself in another part of the room. You’re not running into another room, you’re not talking about it with anyone, and you’re not hovering nearby it to make sure it doesn’t throw up all over the carpet. Eventually even the most hardened life-crashing fear will bore of being starved of attention and will slink away in search of a more attentive audience. Fear lives off resistence. So humour it.  When you stop resisting, it zaps away the power of the fear leaving it all floppy and impotent. And in this case, that really is a good thing.

• Make it a dress up party. If you can’t change the fear, change the theme of the party instead. Make it wear a stupid clown costume, a bunny suit, nothing but a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs (whatever floats your boat.) I used to do that old trick of trying to imagine the panel of an opera audition all naked in their chairs as I stood shaking before them. (Which is far, far more frightening than the fear of singing a wrong note.) So get your fear and dress it up in something that is non-threatening and welcoming.

I get loads of crappy fear gatecrashers at my party all the time. In fact, I have a really slippy bastard of a visitor hanging around this very moment. This is a fear that is not just a gatecrasher but a stalker.

But… I’m working on stripping away the mask. Turning on the lights and shooing all the ugly out through the front door.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

You don’t want fear at your party. You want a jaunty, funky little soiree where the music just gets better, the punch bowl overflows and everybody fancies you.

What other ways can you think of to get over your crush on fear? What have you done to boot fear out the front door in your life?

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We all want a little luck in our lives, right?

Check that. We want buckets of the stuff. We want luck stalking us and spamming us and kneeling at our feet.

But what is luck, really?

Some would have you believe that luck is a mythical beast, and that those who say they are lucky are just lying to make the rest of us feel better.

Some would persuade you that luck is kind of a meandering and vaguely dipsy do-good fairy, whose Wand of Fortune makes a random appearance every now and again (but is never to be relied upon for a star turn at children’s parties.)

But most of us would agree that luck is out there, somewhere. We just wish there was a way to summon it to us (heeeeeere lucky lucky lucky! Come ‘ere luck! Here boy!) and make it stay (down luck, down! gooood boy.) Ok, enough with the doggy talk already.

But yesterday, I was standing at the kitchen sink, thinking about the word luck while I stared at my boxes (did you know that moving house is supposed to be more traumatic than divorce? And I have moved so many times that I should be in permanent therapy really. Seriously. I can’t even tell you how many times I have moved because then you may think I’m a little strange or something. AND I have a nine week old baby and 2 other kids. Feel free to send me chocolate. Or red wine.)

Anyway, I was rolling the word “luck” around in my head and noting the ways that we use it in our conversation. Because very often the way we use a word gives us a powerful insight into the nature of the word itself.

So, when we use the word luck, we say things like “We’re in luck” or “I’m feeling lucky” or “Oh, that was lucky”. An object can be a lucky charm. Or we can look forward to “My Lucky Day”.

And it occurred to me that we seem to have an understanding that luck is truly a state of being. We are in it or feeling it or being it.

It is not something that “happens” to us, any more than happiness just “happens” to us, or fear just “happens” to us.

It is a state of mind, a feeling that we can choose to feel.

If my hubby buys me flowers for example, this makes me ridiculously happy (mainly because this just isn’t something he normally does.)

But he doesn’t have to buy me flowers for me to feel happy. In fact, he doesn’t have to do anything at all for me to feel happy. He could even buy me flowers and I could feel miserable because he never buys me flowers and the one time that he does buy me flowers only makes the times that he doesn’t really stand out.

So if we can choose to feel happy despite our circumstances, then equally we can choose to feel lucky. To be in luck, in the state of luck. So why wait for something to happen in order to justify the feeling? That’s like saying “I’ll just wait for something to make me happy first before I feel it.”

(And there are many, many people who do this all the time. Ironically, they are often the same people who are total ninjas at feeling fear without any justification at all.)

So why do you need evidence to appear before you can feel lucky? Perhaps feeling lucky first is the best way to get more of it?

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Can We Stop Talking About Stuck, Please?
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7 Powerful Reasons To Change The Rules & Start Feeling Great