It was just after 4am. Hubby and I turned on the football to hear what sounds like the biggest, angriest bee hive in the universe.

Hubby had his Italian head on, wherein he reverts to his Neapolitan genetic heritage like a true Mamma’s boy and starts shouting “Viva, Italia!” and “My son, he will play football!” Sweet.

As we settled in with hot coffee and the promise of a great game, it was time for the national anthems. The cameraman stood poised at the top of the Italian lineup as they jiggled and jumped in their boots, all tattoos and tanned swarthiness.

The Italian anthem with all its brass flag-waving jauntiness kicks in…

And we were stunned to see the boys singing at the tops of their voices.

No mumbling, shifty attempts to lip-synch their way around having to look patriotic. No silent, steely-eyed gaze that said I’m Too Focused On Winning To Sing (but really I don’t know the words and I’m also worried the camera will pick up how crap my voice is.) No half-arsed squeeking here!

Never before had we witnessed such vocal abandon! Lustily they plowed on, hairy eyebrows raised sky-high on the high notes. Big, puffed out chests, clear diction and even a brave stab at staying perfectly in time with the backing track.

God knows how nervous they were. Defending champions. Pressure to be glamorous and flamboyant and technically awesome. Millions of people tuning in to watch their performance.

Could there be any more eyes on you than this?

What better way to channel all of that adreneline than to sing?

You don’t have to be a tightly-wound football player on the world stage to experience a little stage fright of your own. That feeling of psychotic-butterflies on caffeine overload having a debauched rave in the pit of your stomach? It’s normal when we are faced with something our lizard brain is trying to get us to run the hell away from.

That crazy sick oh-shit feeling you have is adrenaline that has got to go somewhere. You are now a can of Coke that has been violently shaken by the Bad Ass Fear Fairy and that level of frothy scare needs to be let out. It’s a huge amount of raw energy that needs something to do.

Singing is perfect because it channels your fear.

When you’re nervous and terrified and you start to sing, it’s impossible to stay nervous and terrified. You might start like a mouse, with a whisper and a blushing croak. But once you hit your stride, try staying scared now.

There’s nothing to be scared of. Deep down you know that life’s just a game.

The whole of it. This football match. That stressful deadline. The oh-shit-I-must-do-something-meaningful-with-my-talents drama.

If the nerves and the stage-fright are kicking in and you feel yourself bobbing up and down in your shoes desperate to start running in the opposite direction, why not take a tip from the Italian boys and start singing? Something, anything? Put on a song and sing your heart out. Or play the tune in your head and karaoke wildly along with it.

Let the fear go with a song!

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Can you choose something that becomes your Anthem For Fear-Busting? Is there a fizzy build-up of fear that you could dissipate with a little random, unabashed karaoke?

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
Backyard Awesome Fear Wrangling With Catherine Caine
A Random Guide To World Domination

Have you ever caught yourself projecting? I mean, when you notice that you’re actively judging someone for something that you should really be working on yourself?

Like criticising your parents for hoarding and never being able to just let go of things. Despite the fact that every drawer of your desk is filled with clippings and paper that you, too, can’t bear to part with.

Or railing against your selfish friend who thinks she’s so much better than you, when you inwardly fear that you are indeed a failure.

I’ve never really given much thought to the idea of projecting until I began devouring a book called The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self this past week. It’s written by Debbie Ford, Deepak Chopra and Marianne Williamson, although the Shadow phenomenon is very much Debbie Ford’s Jungian passion.

Your shadow is described as the parts of ourselves we deny but that still have power over us. Your shadow depends on a belief system that began to be constructed when you were small.

That time you raised your voice too loudly,  and were told to be quiet. When your friends laughed at you, and you felt ashamed of being stared at. When you were told to stay still and stop wriggling.

Over time we create a version of ourselves that is fashioned from the criticism or approval we receive. An ego-driven version that may be suffocating the full expression of ourselves. Who we think we “should” be as opposed to who we “could” be. It steals away our choices.

For me, it was when my parents divorced when I was five, and my dad simply disappeared. I didn’t see him again for years. Cue major abandonment issues and huge sticky fear of being unwanted. Add to the mix a severe teenage weight problem, a step-father who couldn’t stay away from laying it all on the gee-gees and a mother who couldn’t resist laying it all on the Johnny Walker.

Needless to say, I have one hell of a Shadow.

And you know what’s almost hysterically funny? That I’m even writing about this here at all.

You see, I’ve accepted that my personal journey is to allow myself to be who I am, without fear of being rejected. To embrace the whole messy history and say proudly, this is what made me. And to be grateful for the whittling away, the firing in the potter’s furnace.

But to put it out here? The whole me? Are you crazy?

Because I gave up therapy long ago as it felt soooo indulgent. Sitting and talking over and over about my dreadful problems seemed to me to be a complete waste of time. What is past, is past, so what. Just stop complaining and get on with it.

As I grew wiser (oh grasshopper), my coaching and love for all things self-realization taught me that perhaps this isn’t a technique that works for everybody. And certainly this book challenges us to stop ignoring our demons and hope they’ll go away. Because that only makes them stronger.

Instead, we are called to go straight to our most vulnerable negative beliefs and embrace them. And by recognising them we can then use their power over us in positive ways. To allow us more choice about how we want to live our lives. And in my book, anything that gives us more choice is GOOD.

When we see the gifts nestled in our shadows, we begin to “extract the gold in the dark”:

…we bring radical honesty to the places where we’ve been in denial; forgiveness and compassion to the parts we’ve been ashamed of; love and acceptance to the difficult experiences from our past; and courage to the areas of our life where we’ve been afraid to admit our vulnerabilities. It’s not a process of smoothing over, or covering up, or pretending that the things we do to sabotage our success are not that big a deal. In fact only by admitting the cost of some of our behaviours will we unlock the energy to defy the gravitational pull of our past and step into the infinite possibilities of our true self.

And funnily enough, when we are kind to ourselves in this way, it means we are more ready to show the same generosity to others who are in the arms of the same shadows.

If you feel your life is sometimes like a soap opera with the same storyline playing out over and over, chances are that a beasty of a belief is lurking in your shadow, too. Here are some strategies that I found most useful from this book:

1. Start with being non-judgemental. Give yourself a break from the incessant criticism – of not being kind enough or generous enough or hard-working enough. Meet yourself where you are now and go from there.
2. Notice the yuk feelings then let them go. When you feel affected in a negative way by someone else’s actions or words, chances are you’re projecting. This is a sure sign that there’s a kink in the road at your end that could do with some attention. Go there, acknowledge how it feels and then look for a quality in that kink that would serve you. If it’s selfishness, ask yourself “How can selfishness be a good thing?” Sometimes selfish is what gets books written, for example.
3. Rebuild your emotional body. Deepak writes, “If you had a rock in your shoe, you wouldn’t hesitate to remove it. Yet how long have you endured emotional rocks in your shoe?” If it feels horrible, that’s a sign to find something that feels better. So start practising better feelings at every opportunity. I’m a huge believer in the power of this as personally it has changed my life completely.

So much of my brain this week has been devoted to thinking about how I can be as authentic with myself – and with you – as I can possibly be. So I’ve really appreciated the message of this book.  I trust that it will help me to forgive the shadows in my past a little more willingly. And to be as open as I can be to the expression of every tiny bit of craziness that makes me who I am.

(If you’re interested in learning more, you may like to view the trailer for the book too.)

I am on a mission to help you find other brilliant, inspiring and provoking books and articles to help you be the change you want to see. This is the first in what will be a regular series of reviews here on the site – every week I look forward to sharing my thoughts on a resource that may end up being The Book That Changed Your Life. If you go on to buy using my links then you’ll be helping me to keep this site blissfully ad free. And I want you to recommend your favourites too! More soon…

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
10 Powerful Resources For Inspiring Change
How Well Do You REALLY Know Yourself?

As some of you may have noticed, stuck is the word of the year so far.

Look, there’s Stuck on the red carpet! And on the cover of Help! magazine. Here’s a a really dodgy picture of a topless Stuck smooching with someone on a beach. (In fact, there’s probably someone feeling Stuck right now.)

Yes, indeed. Stuck is at the podium, every day, giving another tedious acceptance speech for the honour of ruining another person’s fabulousness.

So why are we honouring Stuck with so much damn attention?

The more I see stuff about Stuck everywhere, the more Stuck seems to show up, flaunting its latest frock in front of my face and daring me to look away.

I want to stop talking about Stuck for a moment.

*A single tumbleweed drifts by.*

That’s better. I want to talk about Trust instead.

Trust is like the Indie alternative to Stuck.

Trust is kooky. Quirky. Unique only to you.

When you’re with Trust you can go anywhere you like. But it’s always downstream, easy, no bumps against the rocks at the bottom.

Trust floats. Trust is bouyant.

Trust is cool with that. Trust is yeah, whatever turns you on. Trust makes you feel like the most gorgeous person in the room.

So why not talk more about Trust? About how much you trust yourself? Why not look at your situation and say, “I can trust that it will work. I can trust that the process is for a point.”

Why not allow Stuck to just do its thing somewhere else, while you hang out with Trust on bikes in the forest somewhere in your head, where it’s sunny and there’s a cool breeze, and you have a picnic in your pannier bags and an eye for the perfect sprawling tree to sit beneath?

Because even if you get a puncture and the weather turns, so what? Movie moments are made for kissing under sheets of thunder, soaked to the skin.

Much more fun.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Why are we STILL talking about Stuck? Isn’t there a better word we can use? One that goes along with us for the ride instead of gluing us to the spot? Thoughts please!

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

How To Get Lucky
Why You Are Free To Jump
How To Get Past Your Well-Meaning Fears

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.” ~ Robert Fritz.
“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” – J.K. Rowling

I read a tweet first thing today that went something like this:

“Great day. Awesome yoga class this morning, now sitting in airport lounge at JFK enjoying a drink. Nice!”

Such a seemingly innocuous, harmless little tweet.

But at 5am in the morning, in the dark, it was like a red rag to a bull for me.

When was the last time I sat quietly enjoying a drink in anticipation of a flight somewhere? Or actually made it to a yoga class? Why can’t I just decide to jet off and have the points or credit card to do the whole lounge thing?

Ooh, I was suddenly really, really MAD. Mad with frustration and envy. Mad because I had things holding me down. Mad because I know I have a violent unlived life bubbling away under the crust of my day to day.

I was mad at my kids.

If I didn’t have kids I would be SO much richer. I would be having sex all the time. I could leave nice things that were breakable on shelves below eye level. I could lie on the sofa and read a book during the day on a weekend without feeling guilty about my husband having to clothe/bath/feed/entertain/perform damage limitation/counsel/bandage up/prise apart…whatever.

I could actually have one of those movie mornings where I wake up in a fresh white linen bed, passionately kiss my man, romp, eat breakfast and drink hot, fresh coffee while poring over the papers, romp some more, then emerge for a walk somewhere bracing and picturesque.

Ha!

I was mad…suddenly all I could see were seemingly childless women everywhere on Twitter. Doing retreats. Slipping off to yoga and then curling up with a book at night. Leaping off to conferences and tweeting madly from Vegas over too much champagne.

In my moment of Mad, it didn’t matter that these women might be miserable. Or that they might trade everything to have a gurgling bundle of chubbly baby in their arms. All I felt was twisting, angry jealousy that I was squeezing every inch of writing I could into the dark, cold hours of morning before my day became a muddy fingerpainting of food and nappies and cleaning up toys and putting away the HUGE baskets of laundry that three children somehow manifest.

A full two coffees later, and The Mad had gratefully eased off a little. I realised that I was mad at a much bigger, messier picture.

What was I really envying? The travel? Yes. The connections and me-times and networking? Absolutely.

But these things are not about my children.

They are about giving myself permission.

I could go on a retreat. I just don’t allow myself because it wouldn’t be fair to leave the children with my husband on his weekend off.

I could fly somewhere, anywhere. I just don’t because there are few places I would ever want to go without my family to come along and enjoy the ride, and buying five plane tickets is crazy expensive.

And that movie morning thing? I could so totally make that happen if I wanted to. (And if the movie morning thing turned into pile of kids on the bed, sitting on the papers and spilling scrambled egg all over the duvet, then that could still be fun.)

Because the truth behind The Mad is this:

You don’t have to have kids to have a handbrake holding you back from what you give yourself permission to do. It’s just that kids make the challenge to negotiate through the chaos greater.

Kids are massive, volcanic calls to action. They summon you out of your slumber (literally and metaphorically!) and shake your arse in the air, screaming “Do something now! Make it important! Leave me a legacy! If you want it, JUST MAKE the time!”

Because with kids you have no choice. You have to want it so bad that you stay up, like Gary Vee, until 3am to make it happen. You have to properly decide it’s worth doing and then give yourself permission to do it, without guilt.

So for all you women out there living a relatively hand-brake free life, I say this – you have so much freedom. Don’t forget to give yourself the permission to do what your freedom so blissfully allows you to do.

And I’ll keep working on giving myself the permission to do even more.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

What parts of your unlived life are begging to be let loose? What thing do you most want to do that only needs you to say “yes”? Can you give yourself – today – the permission to do one secretly haboured, magnificent thing?

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

How To Be Deliciously Overworked
10 Powerful Resources For Inspiring Change
Want To Get More “In Tune” With Your Day?

Yesterday I had the pleasure of having a lazy lunch with the rather awesometastic Catherine Caine! Today is her birthday and she is celebrating by releasing her new product, aptly named “Awesome Fear Wrangling – Tame Your Website Fears, Grow An Awesome Website”.

When I started my blog, I had all sorts of fear and scarey going on in my head. But for me, one of the most powerful ways to deal with these kinds of monsters is to talk to people who have been there, slayed the dragon and bought the t-shirt.

And this is why Awesome Fear Wrangling works – when you listen in on her fear-busting interviews with inspiring and smart bloggers, marketers, coaches and entrepreneurs like Sonia Simone, Dave Navarro, Jade Craven, Fabeku Fatunmise, Johnny B. Truant, Charlie Gilkey, Wendy Maynard, Kelly Diels, Sparky Firepants, Ash Amberge, LaVonne Ellis, Mel Brennan, Sinclair – And yes, me! – you will come away with excellent strategies for understanding your own particular brand of scarey – plus proper actionable material that will support you on the journey.

You can find Awesome Fear Wrangling here (aff. link) but please make sure you enter your special discount code -  tinysoprano to get a special rate just for you!

Watch Our Backyard Chat!

If you’d like to watch me interview Catherine check out the video below – we hung out on the grass in her backyard and just talked – I was the one holding the camera and you’ll see in the vid that while I rock at being an opera deev, I suck at flipcam cinematography. (Scroll down for the bonus vid where you get a proper peek at Catherine’s actual face. )

Extra Bonus Sequal! Where my camera pointing suckiness miraculously disappears! Yippee!

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

What The World Cup Can Teach You About Singing Away Your Fear
Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
You Don’t Get Paid When…

I had the privilege when I was 20 years old of learning from the stupendous Dame Joan Sutherland. She was a vocal titan, but in person remarkably grounded in an earthy, no nonsense Australian diva kind of way.

I would start to sing a phrase and she would interject with probably the most valuable piece of advice I have ever received -

“Stop. Think of the note before you sing it.”

So, before I even started to make a sound, I would focus silently on the quality of the sound I wanted to make, the way I wanted the vowel to be shaped in my mouth, and the intention behind the words I was about to sing.

The difference this advice made to me as an artist and as a person was profound. When I followed her advice,  I felt strong. More in control, of my voice and my craft. It was not about me so much anymore, but about the music and the responsibility I had been blessed with – to do it justice, to make it sing, to move people.

Can you sense why that’s a BIG shift?

Because intention shifts the focus away from the outcome – “Oh please let her like my voice!” to the process – “How do I want this note to sound?”

And when we shift from outcome to process, we dislodge ourselves from the fear and unpredictability of the future.

We plant ourselves firmly in the here and now.

Think of the note before you sing it. How can you use this?

If you are feeling a little out of control, or that your day is always at the mercy of other people’s whims – just take a quiet moment to ask yourself, “What is it, at this very moment, that I want?”

If you’re about to make a phone call, don’t just lunge at the phone and dial blindly while thinking of a hundred other things you have to do afterwards. Pause, and quietly decide why you are calling and what the best outcome for you would be. Then go into the call with this intention in mind.

Or if you are writing an email to someone, pay attention to why you are writing. Don’t just dash off a three syllable one liner. (Unless that’s consciously what you want!)

If your partner is winding you up and you start to hear yourself saying things you don’t mean in the kind of sarcastic voice you secretly loathe, leave the room. Breathe. What are you really trying to say? How can you just get there - now – without all of the shouting and periphery ego-wrangling that isn’t what you want at all?

It’s about making an effort to do everything – from brushing your teeth to reading your child a bedtime story to buying a loaf of bread – with an awareness of exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it.

You will gain so much clarity from this exercise – because when you ask yourself for an intention, what you are really asking is “How can I live this moment fully? With the attention it deserves?”

And you are giving youself a measure of success – by asking “What do I want?” you can decide more readily if you actually succeeded in getting it. There’s a great deal of power in creating your own benchmarks. When your rules for success are fuzzy and undefined, how will you know if you ever get it right?

This is living.

Your life is a collection of nows, not a list of things to do tomorrow or a journal stuffed with reminicences. It is NOW. This moment. That is all there is.

So savour your now by being as aware as you can be of every tiny, little second of it. Intend to feel good. Intend to be generous. Intend to be attentive to everything around you, with all of your senses.

Think before you plunge yourself into the myriad actions and reactions that make up the magic of your life. Decide what you want, so you’ll know if you get it. And start living at the centre of each and every remarkable moment that you have.

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

How To Start “In The Breath”
Chris Brogan, Hype and Prima Donnas
Why “Safe” Doesn’t Move People

Lately, I’ve been trying to lose weight.

Mainly because one of the blissful side-effects of babydom is a little extra padding – like everywhere.

Five months has passed since baby was born (five months! Where did that go???) and I’m bloody bored of wearing the same three slouchy t-shirts and my lifesaving spotty wrap dress. (I swear ladies, a wrap dress with spots is like the rock star of chub camouflage. If I had any sense I would start my own clothing line with just that one dress. And maybe a spotty t-shirt for the boys. Spots rule.)

So last week, I resolved to get tough. And thusly, there is now a lot of grouch.

Especially as my husband keeps buying my favourite chocolate biscuits and putting them in the freezer, which incidentally is the perfect way to eat them.

They’re called Tim Tams, and they’re best devoured as a Tim Tam Slammer.

First, you bite a little chunk off each end of the biscuit. Then, you dip one end into a hot drink like a straw (preferable coffee or hot chocolate) and suck through the biscuit. Then you must quickly pop it into your mouth before it dissolves into a velvety chocolate explosion of gooey perfection on your tongue.

Hmmmmmmm. Almost better than sex. Well actually, probably not, really. But so, so good. (And I bet sex with Tim Tams would blow me away, but I’m too tired to try.)

However, even though I’m more than a little cranky and annoyed at the abundance of yum that I absolutely resolutely definitely MUST refuse -

*no biscuits no chocolate no wine oh god no wine??? grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!*

…I’m actually the most chilled about being a little overweight than I have ever been.

Mainly because I don’t actually give a shit anymore. I mean really – I’ve been 46 kilos and I’ve been 69 kilos, and neither looked great on me, I can tell you.

I have also embraced how my weight affects my voice. Singing is incredibly athletic, and I truly believe from experience that a teeny bit of extra cuddliness gives me a certain solidity. Just enough to feel grounded and earthy.

So while I feel less insecure about my shape, I’m determined to at least tighten up the most expansive bits I currently have wrapped around my bones.

To do this, I have in my tiny hands a strategy.

If you are trying to change something, you MUST have a strategy.

A strategy is what gets us from A to B. From cubicle to naked laptop blogging in the backyard. From chubby diva to yes, my arse does indeed look fab in that elevator mirror thank you very much.

But a strategy is only as good as the proof that supports it. This is why we all go a-modelling in search of someone that has successfully done exactly what we want to do, so that we can copy what they did and get some of the same mojo ourselves.

It makes sense – if you want to bake a cake, you find a reliable recipe. If the recipe works, voila! (As you can see, I’m compensating by using cake as a metaphor instead of eating it. Sigh.)

And yet there is always the delectible, pick ‘n’ mix way of getting things done.

You know, when you read twenty different recipes and they all sound gorgeous and kind of similar, so you take the best bits from one, the easy bits from another and ignore the parts you don’t understand and leave out the bits that call for ingredients you just don’t have in the house.

If you’re Nigella Lawson, this might be a strategy that works. But for the rest of us, it just makes a shit load of washing up.

If it’s important, don’t experiment.

Some things are too important to test out on yourself.

If you want to quit your job, don’t spend months or years doodling fantasy business plans on an envelope. Get a strategy. Find someone who has successfully started their own business ask them how they did it. Find someone who screwed it up and asked them what you should avoid. Then go jumping off the diving board.

Or if there’s a serious stuckeggio that needs shifting, then you have to find other stuck-escapees similar to you who can show you the ropes and demonstrate the best way to untie them.

And while some strategies will only work under the right conditions, the best strategies are the ones that will stick, no matter who uses them. That don’t require you to be a super-human god-like uber-positive health-fanatic motivated list-builder over-achiever.

And this is sooooo much harder than it sounds! Why?

Because it’s tempting to reinterpret advice. To mould it to fit your circumstances. To snip a little here and there. To read chapter one, flick through a few more pages then forget to read the rest. To get too clever for our own good and intellectualise or rationalise.

Or to listen really hard but then not actually do anything.

Don’t let your self-help become shelf-help.

A few years ago in London, I was at a Anthony Robbins money seminar where the main speaker Chuck Mellon was showing us how to interpret charts for dealing in stocks and options. He explicity demanded that if we wanted to make money, we needed to do exactly what he was telling us to do. Exactly.

But he knew that 99% of the room would go away, inspired and revved up, with their notes and their folders and their scribbled contacts…and then quietly do fuck all.

“This is not smart mastery! This is wealth mastery!” Stop trying to be clever and just do what I tell you because I know that it works.

Choose just one thing – then go ahead and do it.

Accept that something has to change, then go in search of just one specific, proven strategy to help you on your way.

Challenge yourself to stick to doing one thing. Provoke yourself. Dare yourself to give up.

The traction you gain from taking action will be powerful and encouraging. And it will make the next, scarier step so much easier to take because you’ll have the confidence that only comes from conquering the little demons first.

Stuck is powerless in the face of action.

Just doing something allows you a new perspective on your problem. You can recalibrate. Reassess and adjust. Nudge yourself a little more in the direction that’s right for you.

So, when I finally resolved to beat my extra wobbles into a kind of shivery submission, I looked closely at all of the various diet books I had collected over the years. What was it that united all of the disparate theories, methods and fads on my shelf? What core truth did I need to understand that would form the platform for my strategy?

Eat less.

Whoa. No way. Really? Didn’t know that now, did I?

The core truths.

Smoke less. Drink less. Watch less tv and hustle more. Winge less, contribute more. Focus on what you want, less on what you don’t. Stop spending money on crap.

I’m not saying it’s easy.

Not at all. But when you nail down one strategy that works, at least you know where you stand. At least you can measure your progress. You can decide more clearly and with more certainty if it is working or if it sucks.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

What strategy can you assemble for yourself to improve your vision of the life you want? Who will you go to? Who can you hang out with to learn the easy way instead of needlessly experimenting the hard way?

P.S Want to know my secret super strategy for losing weight? Eat a small enough dinner to make sure you always go to bed a little hungry. Works every time .

P.P.S Watch Natalie Imbruglia demonstrate the art of the Tim Tam Slammer on the UK’s  Graham Norton Show.

P.P.P.S More divatastic strategies coming soon – the Pigeonhole Evacuation Kit is on its way!

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
A Perfect Falcon For Your Shoulder
The Secret Of The Roundabout

We’ve all had them. A big, chewy, hole-in-the-stomach failure. The kind of screw-up that you can only successfully make in front of everyone.

When you have just so completely gotten it wrong that when the thought of it creeps into your head (usually just before you go to sleep) it’s like an evil snowball. It just rolls over and over, gathering more and more evidence, collecting as much proof as it can of your ability to spectacularly flop – and then thwack! You’re covered in chilly, icy flakes of horribleness.

So you start again, with all eyes watching you. You venture bravely out into the chilly wind of the next uncharted adventure. You’re knee-deep in the cold, but dammit at least you’re doing it, right? Until it all goes tits up and it’s another snowball smack in the face.

Thwack!

You stand up. Brush yourself off and try again. And it all goes wrong. Again.

Thwack! Bam!

Argh, cold! And bruised! And numb!

Once you’ve been hit enough times, it’s pretty tempting to just go home. To rug up somewhere cosy and warm and foetal and never venture out again.

But I promise you, the success is in the snowballs.

With every thwack you get, you can choose to learn. You can adapt. You can regroup and reassess. You can learn to dodge faster. To duck. And soon, you may even start to have some fun.

Because your journey is not about outcome. It’s not about showing the world that you can get it right first time. (And even if you do, you’ll only end up demonstrating how to screw it up even better further on down the line, that much is guaranteed.)

Your genius is not in the light bulb. It’s in the thousand ways it took to glowingly arrive.

Read any story of greatness and you’ll see that for every public success there are thousands of epic, now-forgotten failures.

Start paying attention to the journey that it takes to get to the top. This is where the flow hides, in the nooks and crannies of the long, snowy line between inspiration and “ta-da!”

So – why be ashamed of revealing your tracks? Why not celebrate your failures as a focusing mechanism? As proof that you are alive and thinking and striving for a glimmer of greatness that only comes when you leave the snug safety of your bed and go forth into the blizzard?

Know that there will always be people in this world who practise really hard at throwing snowballs. Whose raison d’etre is pointing out the fail.

You know what? Thank them. Embrace it. Retweet their criticism to the world. Highlight your mistakes with a firm stroke of yellow and shout “I am doing! I am making tracks in the snow! I’m going somewhere! Exploring!  Growing and taking action and testing and trying! It’s why I am here. ”

And in retrospect, when you look back over the tracks you have carved for yourself, you will have proof that the process was worthwhile. That the success and the victory that is yours was born in those tracks.

Say thank you every time you fail. For in each and every freezing thwack is the beginning of a truly fantastic snowman.

Comments – sing it back to me.

Think about the brilliant successes you’ve had in your life – what numbing failures did you endure that made those winning moments possible?

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Last month, on a gloriously warm Easter Sunday morning, my husband and I hid tiny chocolate eggs in the bushes in our garden.

I watched as he led my second child – a petite 2 year old diva in the making – on an intrepid search…Daddy told her they were “looking for clues” as they walked along the path beside our house.

Doubtless she had no idea what “looking for clues” meant, but on discovering her first shiny, dew-covered egg beneath a tree, it was clear to her that whatever a clue was, this was one of them.

The “Clue Egg” was born.

For days after this magical weekend, every time she wanted to tackle the tricky unpeeling of foil-covered chocolate yumminess, she would sweetly ask, “Clue egg? Pease?”

That morning she followed the trail of the clue eggs until they were all uncovered, collecting as many as she could nestle in her tiny hands. It was an expedition of deliciousness.

I realised that this is what we, as sensible grown ups, should be doing every day. Following the trail of the delicious, tasting life one melting drop at a time.

Keep searching everywhere for the beautiful. The gleaming. The divine.

The tiny things that sparkle and crackle and shimmer beneath the dark bushes, hidden amongst the spiders…

The things that give you joy. That make your mouth water and your heart sing. Wonders that you can hug close to you like little treasures.

Keep looking for the things that make you thrilled to be alive.

Because they are clues….

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The Success Is In The Snowballs

Have you ever used one of those draught excluders that look like long snakes? They lie across the floor along the bottom of gappy doors to stop the cold air sneaking inside.

When I lived in the UK, these snakes were really important, especially in those deep winter nights when the tip of my nose would start to ice over.

I could snuggle up in bed, safe in the knowledge that the nasty frigid air could never penetrate the defences of my trusty door snake.

That was until the one night I needed to get up in the night to use the loo. I grumbled about in the chilly darkness feeling for the bedroom door, and tugged it open, forgetting that my snake was lying in front of it.

Thus – with a squelch, my door snake was jammed tight beneath the door and the floor, leaving a gap barely wide enough to pass my arm through.

What to do?

I tried pushing the door closed again to dislodge the snake, but it was so firmly wedged beneath the door that no amount of tugging and yanking would work. It simply rolled underneath it.

I was trapped. Couldn’t go out, and no-one could get in. It was dark. It was cold. And I was standing there desperate to pee.

All kinds of uncomfortable. Frustrating. Feeling stuck, jittery and helpless and desperate.

Now imagine for a moment that you too have a trusty door snake, but it’s inside your head.

It holds all of your reasons for doing what you have always done. Stuffed with reassuring familiarity. With habits. With fear and with insecurity and vulnerability. With regrets. Outright lies, even.

Stuffed tight.

And you arrange your Trusty Door Snake of Reasons along the bottom of the drafty door of your world, as it valiantly works to beat away the cold and the fear and keep your confidence from icing over.

Until one night you have a dream of something big!

And in this dream there is such an urgency! Your big idea – your need to do your thing – shakes you from your sleep.

You almost throw yourself at the door, desperate to fly away like a bird against a window.

You grasp in the dark for the door handle and pull.

But no! Your trusty snake locks you in! It hisses as you try to drag the door over its back. “Don’t go out! Sssssssstay here where it’s warm and safe!”

Your snake is guarding you from failure. But it stops you from escaping your comfort zone only because you have put it there. So when the time comes to leave your room – when you are inspired and zapped with energy and you absolutely MUST get out NOW – it just gets in the way, lodging itself beneath your feet and snaking protectively around your ankles.

Don’t be left standing desperate at a half-open door unable to get out – invigorated – into the world!

How To Shift The Trusty Door Snake Who Is Now In Your Way

1. Acknowledge that your snake is only trying to protect you. Our barriers are formed slowly and carefully over time in order to prevent those achey stones-in-the-stomach called failure and shame. This is normal. It’s important to realise that your snake has only your best interests at heart – it’s just going about it the wrong way.
2. Show the snake some gratitude. It has done an excellent job of keeping the draughts away from your toes while you were lying down. Now that you’re up and ready for action, it’s time to say thank you. Thank you my trusty door snake, for preserving the toastiness that has allowed me to incubate my fizzy sleep-shaking muse. You have done good. Indeed, you have done awesome. But now it’s time to let me and my idea out.
3. Move your snake before you try to escape. If you don’t take the time to move your snake out of the way before you go charging at the door, you risk being tripped up, or worse, unable to get out at all. When we’re inspired to take action, our limiting beliefs and fears can surprise us by suddenly wedging themselves in the gap between where we are and where we eagerly want to go. Instead, it will help you to see your snake, say thanks, and then gently put it to the side. This doesn’t mean you have to remove it entirely. Just nudge it away enough to give you the space to move forward.
4. If your snake gets stuck in the door, massive action is required. Jiggling and tentative tugging won’t work. You need an enormous push to roll over the snake. You need momentum.  Ask for help at this point if you need it. Summon every sinew in prising open the door wide enough for your action to pass.

The best part about a snake like Trusty is that you know he’s there for you should be overtaken by the need to hibernate under the duvet. We all have moments like this, where the cold becomes unbearable and the only comfort is a snuggly bed and the reassuring, safe warmth of the familiar. We don’t have to go charging into the cold and dark with a bold idea every night. But when we feel the need to launch into the unknown, it’s good to know that we don’t have to be trapped by the very thing we put in place to keep us cosy.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Tell me the name of your Trusty Door Snake! (And does it have more than one?) And I want you to share your brilliant awake-in-the-night Idea that is begging to be set free too – then we can all talk nicely to each other’s Snakes and send them away to slither joyously together somewhere else. Hooray!

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