It was just after 4am. Hubby and I turned on the football to hear what sounds like the biggest, angriest bee hive in the universe.

Hubby had his Italian head on, wherein he reverts to his Neapolitan genetic heritage like a true Mamma’s boy and starts shouting “Viva, Italia!” and “My son, he will play football!” Sweet.

As we settled in with hot coffee and the promise of a great game, it was time for the national anthems. The cameraman stood poised at the top of the Italian lineup as they jiggled and jumped in their boots, all tattoos and tanned swarthiness.

The Italian anthem with all its brass flag-waving jauntiness kicks in…

And we were stunned to see the boys singing at the tops of their voices.

No mumbling, shifty attempts to lip-synch their way around having to look patriotic. No silent, steely-eyed gaze that said I’m Too Focused On Winning To Sing (but really I don’t know the words and I’m also worried the camera will pick up how crap my voice is.) No half-arsed squeeking here!

Never before had we witnessed such vocal abandon! Lustily they plowed on, hairy eyebrows raised sky-high on the high notes. Big, puffed out chests, clear diction and even a brave stab at staying perfectly in time with the backing track.

God knows how nervous they were. Defending champions. Pressure to be glamorous and flamboyant and technically awesome. Millions of people tuning in to watch their performance.

Could there be any more eyes on you than this?

What better way to channel all of that adreneline than to sing?

You don’t have to be a tightly-wound football player on the world stage to experience a little stage fright of your own. That feeling of psychotic-butterflies on caffeine overload having a debauched rave in the pit of your stomach? It’s normal when we are faced with something our lizard brain is trying to get us to run the hell away from.

That crazy sick oh-shit feeling you have is adrenaline that has got to go somewhere. You are now a can of Coke that has been violently shaken by the Bad Ass Fear Fairy and that level of frothy scare needs to be let out. It’s a huge amount of raw energy that needs something to do.

Singing is perfect because it channels your fear.

When you’re nervous and terrified and you start to sing, it’s impossible to stay nervous and terrified. You might start like a mouse, with a whisper and a blushing croak. But once you hit your stride, try staying scared now.

There’s nothing to be scared of. Deep down you know that life’s just a game.

The whole of it. This football match. That stressful deadline. The oh-shit-I-must-do-something-meaningful-with-my-talents drama.

If the nerves and the stage-fright are kicking in and you feel yourself bobbing up and down in your shoes desperate to start running in the opposite direction, why not take a tip from the Italian boys and start singing? Something, anything? Put on a song and sing your heart out. Or play the tune in your head and karaoke wildly along with it.

Let the fear go with a song!

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

Can you choose something that becomes your Anthem For Fear-Busting? Is there a fizzy build-up of fear that you could dissipate with a little random, unabashed karaoke?

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
Backyard Awesome Fear Wrangling With Catherine Caine
A Random Guide To World Domination

“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.” ~ Robert Fritz.
“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” – J.K. Rowling

I read a tweet first thing today that went something like this:

“Great day. Awesome yoga class this morning, now sitting in airport lounge at JFK enjoying a drink. Nice!”

Such a seemingly innocuous, harmless little tweet.

But at 5am in the morning, in the dark, it was like a red rag to a bull for me.

When was the last time I sat quietly enjoying a drink in anticipation of a flight somewhere? Or actually made it to a yoga class? Why can’t I just decide to jet off and have the points or credit card to do the whole lounge thing?

Ooh, I was suddenly really, really MAD. Mad with frustration and envy. Mad because I had things holding me down. Mad because I know I have a violent unlived life bubbling away under the crust of my day to day.

I was mad at my kids.

If I didn’t have kids I would be SO much richer. I would be having sex all the time. I could leave nice things that were breakable on shelves below eye level. I could lie on the sofa and read a book during the day on a weekend without feeling guilty about my husband having to clothe/bath/feed/entertain/perform damage limitation/counsel/bandage up/prise apart…whatever.

I could actually have one of those movie mornings where I wake up in a fresh white linen bed, passionately kiss my man, romp, eat breakfast and drink hot, fresh coffee while poring over the papers, romp some more, then emerge for a walk somewhere bracing and picturesque.

Ha!

I was mad…suddenly all I could see were seemingly childless women everywhere on Twitter. Doing retreats. Slipping off to yoga and then curling up with a book at night. Leaping off to conferences and tweeting madly from Vegas over too much champagne.

In my moment of Mad, it didn’t matter that these women might be miserable. Or that they might trade everything to have a gurgling bundle of chubbly baby in their arms. All I felt was twisting, angry jealousy that I was squeezing every inch of writing I could into the dark, cold hours of morning before my day became a muddy fingerpainting of food and nappies and cleaning up toys and putting away the HUGE baskets of laundry that three children somehow manifest.

A full two coffees later, and The Mad had gratefully eased off a little. I realised that I was mad at a much bigger, messier picture.

What was I really envying? The travel? Yes. The connections and me-times and networking? Absolutely.

But these things are not about my children.

They are about giving myself permission.

I could go on a retreat. I just don’t allow myself because it wouldn’t be fair to leave the children with my husband on his weekend off.

I could fly somewhere, anywhere. I just don’t because there are few places I would ever want to go without my family to come along and enjoy the ride, and buying five plane tickets is crazy expensive.

And that movie morning thing? I could so totally make that happen if I wanted to. (And if the movie morning thing turned into pile of kids on the bed, sitting on the papers and spilling scrambled egg all over the duvet, then that could still be fun.)

Because the truth behind The Mad is this:

You don’t have to have kids to have a handbrake holding you back from what you give yourself permission to do. It’s just that kids make the challenge to negotiate through the chaos greater.

Kids are massive, volcanic calls to action. They summon you out of your slumber (literally and metaphorically!) and shake your arse in the air, screaming “Do something now! Make it important! Leave me a legacy! If you want it, JUST MAKE the time!”

Because with kids you have no choice. You have to want it so bad that you stay up, like Gary Vee, until 3am to make it happen. You have to properly decide it’s worth doing and then give yourself permission to do it, without guilt.

So for all you women out there living a relatively hand-brake free life, I say this – you have so much freedom. Don’t forget to give yourself the permission to do what your freedom so blissfully allows you to do.

And I’ll keep working on giving myself the permission to do even more.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

What parts of your unlived life are begging to be let loose? What thing do you most want to do that only needs you to say “yes”? Can you give yourself – today – the permission to do one secretly haboured, magnificent thing?

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

How To Be Deliciously Overworked
10 Powerful Resources For Inspiring Change
Want To Get More “In Tune” With Your Day?

Yesterday I had the pleasure of having a lazy lunch with the rather awesometastic Catherine Caine! Today is her birthday and she is celebrating by releasing her new product, aptly named “Awesome Fear Wrangling – Tame Your Website Fears, Grow An Awesome Website”.

When I started my blog, I had all sorts of fear and scarey going on in my head. But for me, one of the most powerful ways to deal with these kinds of monsters is to talk to people who have been there, slayed the dragon and bought the t-shirt.

And this is why Awesome Fear Wrangling works – when you listen in on her fear-busting interviews with inspiring and smart bloggers, marketers, coaches and entrepreneurs like Sonia Simone, Dave Navarro, Jade Craven, Fabeku Fatunmise, Johnny B. Truant, Charlie Gilkey, Wendy Maynard, Kelly Diels, Sparky Firepants, Ash Amberge, LaVonne Ellis, Mel Brennan, Sinclair – And yes, me! – you will come away with excellent strategies for understanding your own particular brand of scarey – plus proper actionable material that will support you on the journey.

You can find Awesome Fear Wrangling here (aff. link) but please make sure you enter your special discount code -  tinysoprano to get a special rate just for you!

Watch Our Backyard Chat!

If you’d like to watch me interview Catherine check out the video below – we hung out on the grass in her backyard and just talked – I was the one holding the camera and you’ll see in the vid that while I rock at being an opera deev, I suck at flipcam cinematography. (Scroll down for the bonus vid where you get a proper peek at Catherine’s actual face. )

Extra Bonus Sequal! Where my camera pointing suckiness miraculously disappears! Yippee!

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

What The World Cup Can Teach You About Singing Away Your Fear
Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
You Don’t Get Paid When…

I had the privilege when I was 20 years old of learning from the stupendous Dame Joan Sutherland. She was a vocal titan, but in person remarkably grounded in an earthy, no nonsense Australian diva kind of way.

I would start to sing a phrase and she would interject with probably the most valuable piece of advice I have ever received -

“Stop. Think of the note before you sing it.”

So, before I even started to make a sound, I would focus silently on the quality of the sound I wanted to make, the way I wanted the vowel to be shaped in my mouth, and the intention behind the words I was about to sing.

The difference this advice made to me as an artist and as a person was profound. When I followed her advice,  I felt strong. More in control, of my voice and my craft. It was not about me so much anymore, but about the music and the responsibility I had been blessed with – to do it justice, to make it sing, to move people.

Can you sense why that’s a BIG shift?

Because intention shifts the focus away from the outcome – “Oh please let her like my voice!” to the process – “How do I want this note to sound?”

And when we shift from outcome to process, we dislodge ourselves from the fear and unpredictability of the future.

We plant ourselves firmly in the here and now.

Think of the note before you sing it. How can you use this?

If you are feeling a little out of control, or that your day is always at the mercy of other people’s whims – just take a quiet moment to ask yourself, “What is it, at this very moment, that I want?”

If you’re about to make a phone call, don’t just lunge at the phone and dial blindly while thinking of a hundred other things you have to do afterwards. Pause, and quietly decide why you are calling and what the best outcome for you would be. Then go into the call with this intention in mind.

Or if you are writing an email to someone, pay attention to why you are writing. Don’t just dash off a three syllable one liner. (Unless that’s consciously what you want!)

If your partner is winding you up and you start to hear yourself saying things you don’t mean in the kind of sarcastic voice you secretly loathe, leave the room. Breathe. What are you really trying to say? How can you just get there - now – without all of the shouting and periphery ego-wrangling that isn’t what you want at all?

It’s about making an effort to do everything – from brushing your teeth to reading your child a bedtime story to buying a loaf of bread – with an awareness of exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it.

You will gain so much clarity from this exercise – because when you ask yourself for an intention, what you are really asking is “How can I live this moment fully? With the attention it deserves?”

And you are giving youself a measure of success – by asking “What do I want?” you can decide more readily if you actually succeeded in getting it. There’s a great deal of power in creating your own benchmarks. When your rules for success are fuzzy and undefined, how will you know if you ever get it right?

This is living.

Your life is a collection of nows, not a list of things to do tomorrow or a journal stuffed with reminicences. It is NOW. This moment. That is all there is.

So savour your now by being as aware as you can be of every tiny, little second of it. Intend to feel good. Intend to be generous. Intend to be attentive to everything around you, with all of your senses.

Think before you plunge yourself into the myriad actions and reactions that make up the magic of your life. Decide what you want, so you’ll know if you get it. And start living at the centre of each and every remarkable moment that you have.

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

How To Start “In The Breath”
Chris Brogan, Hype and Prima Donnas
Why “Safe” Doesn’t Move People

Lately, I’ve been trying to lose weight.

Mainly because one of the blissful side-effects of babydom is a little extra padding – like everywhere.

Five months has passed since baby was born (five months! Where did that go???) and I’m bloody bored of wearing the same three slouchy t-shirts and my lifesaving spotty wrap dress. (I swear ladies, a wrap dress with spots is like the rock star of chub camouflage. If I had any sense I would start my own clothing line with just that one dress. And maybe a spotty t-shirt for the boys. Spots rule.)

So last week, I resolved to get tough. And thusly, there is now a lot of grouch.

Especially as my husband keeps buying my favourite chocolate biscuits and putting them in the freezer, which incidentally is the perfect way to eat them.

They’re called Tim Tams, and they’re best devoured as a Tim Tam Slammer.

First, you bite a little chunk off each end of the biscuit. Then, you dip one end into a hot drink like a straw (preferable coffee or hot chocolate) and suck through the biscuit. Then you must quickly pop it into your mouth before it dissolves into a velvety chocolate explosion of gooey perfection on your tongue.

Hmmmmmmm. Almost better than sex. Well actually, probably not, really. But so, so good. (And I bet sex with Tim Tams would blow me away, but I’m too tired to try.)

However, even though I’m more than a little cranky and annoyed at the abundance of yum that I absolutely resolutely definitely MUST refuse -

*no biscuits no chocolate no wine oh god no wine??? grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!*

…I’m actually the most chilled about being a little overweight than I have ever been.

Mainly because I don’t actually give a shit anymore. I mean really – I’ve been 46 kilos and I’ve been 69 kilos, and neither looked great on me, I can tell you.

I have also embraced how my weight affects my voice. Singing is incredibly athletic, and I truly believe from experience that a teeny bit of extra cuddliness gives me a certain solidity. Just enough to feel grounded and earthy.

So while I feel less insecure about my shape, I’m determined to at least tighten up the most expansive bits I currently have wrapped around my bones.

To do this, I have in my tiny hands a strategy.

If you are trying to change something, you MUST have a strategy.

A strategy is what gets us from A to B. From cubicle to naked laptop blogging in the backyard. From chubby diva to yes, my arse does indeed look fab in that elevator mirror thank you very much.

But a strategy is only as good as the proof that supports it. This is why we all go a-modelling in search of someone that has successfully done exactly what we want to do, so that we can copy what they did and get some of the same mojo ourselves.

It makes sense – if you want to bake a cake, you find a reliable recipe. If the recipe works, voila! (As you can see, I’m compensating by using cake as a metaphor instead of eating it. Sigh.)

And yet there is always the delectible, pick ‘n’ mix way of getting things done.

You know, when you read twenty different recipes and they all sound gorgeous and kind of similar, so you take the best bits from one, the easy bits from another and ignore the parts you don’t understand and leave out the bits that call for ingredients you just don’t have in the house.

If you’re Nigella Lawson, this might be a strategy that works. But for the rest of us, it just makes a shit load of washing up.

If it’s important, don’t experiment.

Some things are too important to test out on yourself.

If you want to quit your job, don’t spend months or years doodling fantasy business plans on an envelope. Get a strategy. Find someone who has successfully started their own business ask them how they did it. Find someone who screwed it up and asked them what you should avoid. Then go jumping off the diving board.

Or if there’s a serious stuckeggio that needs shifting, then you have to find other stuck-escapees similar to you who can show you the ropes and demonstrate the best way to untie them.

And while some strategies will only work under the right conditions, the best strategies are the ones that will stick, no matter who uses them. That don’t require you to be a super-human god-like uber-positive health-fanatic motivated list-builder over-achiever.

And this is sooooo much harder than it sounds! Why?

Because it’s tempting to reinterpret advice. To mould it to fit your circumstances. To snip a little here and there. To read chapter one, flick through a few more pages then forget to read the rest. To get too clever for our own good and intellectualise or rationalise.

Or to listen really hard but then not actually do anything.

Don’t let your self-help become shelf-help.

A few years ago in London, I was at a Anthony Robbins money seminar where the main speaker Chuck Mellon was showing us how to interpret charts for dealing in stocks and options. He explicity demanded that if we wanted to make money, we needed to do exactly what he was telling us to do. Exactly.

But he knew that 99% of the room would go away, inspired and revved up, with their notes and their folders and their scribbled contacts…and then quietly do fuck all.

“This is not smart mastery! This is wealth mastery!” Stop trying to be clever and just do what I tell you because I know that it works.

Choose just one thing – then go ahead and do it.

Accept that something has to change, then go in search of just one specific, proven strategy to help you on your way.

Challenge yourself to stick to doing one thing. Provoke yourself. Dare yourself to give up.

The traction you gain from taking action will be powerful and encouraging. And it will make the next, scarier step so much easier to take because you’ll have the confidence that only comes from conquering the little demons first.

Stuck is powerless in the face of action.

Just doing something allows you a new perspective on your problem. You can recalibrate. Reassess and adjust. Nudge yourself a little more in the direction that’s right for you.

So, when I finally resolved to beat my extra wobbles into a kind of shivery submission, I looked closely at all of the various diet books I had collected over the years. What was it that united all of the disparate theories, methods and fads on my shelf? What core truth did I need to understand that would form the platform for my strategy?

Eat less.

Whoa. No way. Really? Didn’t know that now, did I?

The core truths.

Smoke less. Drink less. Watch less tv and hustle more. Winge less, contribute more. Focus on what you want, less on what you don’t. Stop spending money on crap.

I’m not saying it’s easy.

Not at all. But when you nail down one strategy that works, at least you know where you stand. At least you can measure your progress. You can decide more clearly and with more certainty if it is working or if it sucks.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

What strategy can you assemble for yourself to improve your vision of the life you want? Who will you go to? Who can you hang out with to learn the easy way instead of needlessly experimenting the hard way?

P.S Want to know my secret super strategy for losing weight? Eat a small enough dinner to make sure you always go to bed a little hungry. Works every time .

P.P.S Watch Natalie Imbruglia demonstrate the art of the Tim Tam Slammer on the UK’s  Graham Norton Show.

P.P.P.S More divatastic strategies coming soon – the Pigeonhole Evacuation Kit is on its way!

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Three Ways To Deal With Fear Crashing Your Party
A Perfect Falcon For Your Shoulder
The Secret Of The Roundabout

OK. You heard it here first, baby.

I can offically announce that opera is now the new rock and roll.

I’m sure it all started when I had a tweet from the lovely Reese (web designer extraordinare) in January, who confessed that she had almost gone into singing (I hope she won’t mind me sharing):

reese  January 22, 2010

@thetinysoprano hey natalie…I nearly went into being a voice major or minor. I envy your career choice

Then Emma Alvarez-Gibson shared her passion for Les Misérables (which I know isn’t technically opera in its purest form, but I shall embrace it for the sake of this post and also because it’s got Frenchy literary overtones so it must be highbrow) with a very entertaining YouTube clip of Doogie Howser MD and Jason Segel singing the Confrontation Scene on the Megan Mullally show. Hilarious. (More chat shows like this, please.)

When Megan M and I started riffing on how being an opera singer had given me super duper creative ninja mojo powers and that she wanted to unleash my secret weapon for the good of the blogsphere, I had a strong feeling that opera’s time was nigh…

And then Chris Guillebeau goes and bases a whole post on Pavarotti. (Talk about stealing my thunder, Chris. )

So evidently, opera is sexy, ergo so am I. Yay for logic!

However, I should confess I have a rather complicated relationship with opera. It’s like a “can’t live with, can’t live without” kind of thing. We were on a break. I started seeing other ways of living, opera just kind of pottered on without me. Now we’re kind of back together and seeing how things go. 

But you know what was really interesting about my time spent apart from the stage?

Occasionally during a conversation I would let slip that I “used to be an opera singer.” And the reaction to this was always laughably predictable.

First would be an incredulous stare. Then the question “Why did you stop?” with a tone of pity blended with surprise. Finally, “Oh, don’t you miss it?”

I would get this reaction from people who had never even been to the opera before, often because they imagined it was somehow more glamorous, more creative, more rewarding than whatever it was I was now doing (you know, that terribly uncreative job called motherhood.) They just imagined that it would be painful to let it go and that somehow I was left artistically and creatively bereft by the break up.

Ha!

I’m here to tell you, with totally certainty – that this idea of a creative, inherently artistic profession is a MYTH.

Just because opera has singing and dancing and costumes and makeup and the occasional violent death doesn’t make it any more creative than any other line of work. This just buys into the craptastic idea that creative equals performing, or music, or writing. Or paint, even.

But wasn’t Einstein creative? Edison?

Maradona? Gandhi?

How many people have described their accountant as creative? (Hands up all over the place.)

Creativity is not a profession. It’s a rebellious, muscular way of thinking that just gets beefier the more you use it. It gets fat on possibilities and tightly hugs the alternative perspective. It’s gentle too, diplomatically shining light on the darker corners you almost missed.

No matter how mundane you perceive a task to be (because nothing is inherently mundane either, but thinking makes it so) – if you inject it with super duper creative ninjarific divatastic mojo – it becomes mind-blowing, heart-expandingly brilliant.

When you create a fantastic meal from a few meagre ingredients in your cupboard. When you pretend you are sick to stay home from work. When you invent a reality that protects the innocence of your child. You are creating, creative, compiling a magical something out of a seeming nothing.

This is where your job becomes your work, and your work becomes your art.

So I insist you stop saying to yourself “I wish I could do something that was more creative!”  right now, and get sparky over here.

(Diva-disclosure: I am one of the stars of the Creative Spark Plug Lecture Series, so that is indeed an affiliate link. However, you can call me crazy, but just being in this program is awesome enough for me – and I basically love everything that Megan pulls together. ‘Nuff said. )

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Why “Safe” Doesn’t Move People
Talent Vs Hard Work – Are They Both Overrated?
Probably The Most Valuable Piece Of Advice I Have Ever Received

Fear.

A horribly drunk and evil gatecrasher of the party that is your life.

It bitches in the kitchen behind your back about how dreadful the food is, how much your colleagues are bored by your work and how you’re boyfriend is flirting with that girl from marketing in the next room.

It steals the cash from your wallet and pinches the fat that peeks over the top of your jeans.

Fear is basically a bastard.

But it’s also kind of sexy.

Fear is kind of like those people you know you shouldn’t fancy because they screw everyone and make you feel awful, used, insecure and ugly. But somehow you just can’t help going back for more.

Because it’s addictive, this obsession with fear. And when all the vodka is drunk, the place is trashed and you wake up feeling like death, its pretty damn useful to have nasty old fear to pin the blame on.

But it still ruins your party. You spend weeks trying to get the stains out of the fabric of your life.

So how do you deal with fear crashing your party?

You could try not inviting the bastard to come at all. In which case you’ll probably spend all night anxiously waiting for the doorbell, being fearful of fear not showing up because you’re not cool enough. Or hot enough.

You can try feeling the fear. Which is probably a really bad idea in this scenario, as we have already agreed that fear is rather sexy and addictive, and any unrestrained cavorting with fear will only make you feel worse when you are caught in a compromising position amongst a pile of coats.

Perhaps ignoring the fear could work. Especially that kind of “I’m ignoring you but really I fancy the hell out of you so I’ll ignore you but occasionally catch your eye and then suddenly look away but then straight back again” kind of ignoring. Which we all know is a big fat lie. The bastard is in the room and you are clocking every move.

So how to get the fear out of your party – or at least out of the center of the room – for good? Here are three ways that might work for you;

• Try humanising it. For example, we would all probably concur that Robert Pattinson is hot. And that Beyonce is a bit of alright, too. But verily, they doth burp. And probably pick their noses. This is your opportunity to notice what is unattractively human about the fear. Is there a pimple somewhere you can zone in on, an overly flourishing nose hair maybe? Or a just a really unattractive voice? (David Beckham springs to mind.) Strip away the celebrity perfection of the fear and you may feel the shakes disappear.

• Allow the fear. This isn’t the same as feeling the fear. This is where you just let it get on with making a mess everywhere else, while you focus on enjoying yourself in another part of the room. You’re not running into another room, you’re not talking about it with anyone, and you’re not hovering nearby it to make sure it doesn’t throw up all over the carpet. Eventually even the most hardened life-crashing fear will bore of being starved of attention and will slink away in search of a more attentive audience. Fear lives off resistence. So humour it.  When you stop resisting, it zaps away the power of the fear leaving it all floppy and impotent. And in this case, that really is a good thing.

• Make it a dress up party. If you can’t change the fear, change the theme of the party instead. Make it wear a stupid clown costume, a bunny suit, nothing but a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs (whatever floats your boat.) I used to do that old trick of trying to imagine the panel of an opera audition all naked in their chairs as I stood shaking before them. (Which is far, far more frightening than the fear of singing a wrong note.) So get your fear and dress it up in something that is non-threatening and welcoming.

I get loads of crappy fear gatecrashers at my party all the time. In fact, I have a really slippy bastard of a visitor hanging around this very moment. This is a fear that is not just a gatecrasher but a stalker.

But… I’m working on stripping away the mask. Turning on the lights and shooing all the ugly out through the front door.

Comments – Sing It Back To Me

You don’t want fear at your party. You want a jaunty, funky little soiree where the music just gets better, the punch bowl overflows and everybody fancies you.

What other ways can you think of to get over your crush on fear? What have you done to boot fear out the front door in your life?

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

What The World Cup Can Teach You About Singing Away Your Fear
Backyard Awesome Fear Wrangling With Catherine Caine
How NOT To Have A Nervous Breakdown

“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” ~ Anthony Robbins

Did you know that by the end of January, most people will have failed to keep most (if not all) of their New Year’s resolutions?

So what happens to all that excitement and burning motivation? Why do our great intentions fizzle out so easily?

Perhaps we aim too high. Or maybe the idea is there but the way just isn’t clear – so instead of just picking up and pointing ourselves in the right direction, we feel the fear and creep back to the squidgy spot we were before.

(And it’s still warm. Hmmm, sometimes it’s just more cosy to not have to change anything at all.)

But from my experience,  there is one thing that can totally make or break how successful you are at maintaining the momentum of a new intention.

It is your ability to maintain your focus.

Intention and focus are kind of like being in a steamy bathroom.

Seriously.

(Yes, another hot shower analogy. What can I say? It just works for me.)

You get to stand in the water and feel invigorated by your new idea. You feel like you are washing away the old you, that clingy stuff that you know is holding you back. It’s a zingy, tingly, freshening up of the inner you.

Your head is clear and there’s a fire in your belly. You want something, badly.

But the time comes when you just have to get out of the shower and back into the real world before your hands get all wrinkly. There you are, all warm and smelling yummy and clean to the world, full of anticipation. You open the shower door (or flamboyantly thrust the curtain back) and suddenly -

You’re standing there in the cold, freezing your arse off, fumbling for a towel.

And this is the problem. To fuel the fire in your belly and keep the momentum moving forward, you need a lot of steam.

But all that steam just keeps on fogging up your glasses, dammit. How the hell can you see what you’re doing or where you’re headed through the fog in front of your eyes?

What you need is to get focused!

If you start to lose your way and yearn for the cosy comfort of the old you, it helps to have a number of strategies you can call on to help realign yourself towards your goals. You need to practise getting back the goose bumps of your original intention. Seek out the pins and needles and hope for the rush of blood that comes from being on the verge of something new.

Here are 12 clean and easy ways to get more focus into your life;

• Stick around focused people. There is nothing more powerful than surrounding yourself with people who are on target, passionate and virtually running away from themselves with glorious momentum. Get thee next to a buzzed up peer group and notice how great it feels to be drawn up by the goodness instead of dragged down. Even if you do nothing else, do this.
• Go find a frog to eat. If the worst thing you have to do all day is eat a live frog, then everything else that comes after should be a piece of cake. So if you want to erase the fuzzies and move towards your goal, search for the fattest frog that will leap you there the fastest. Then, get munching.
• Chunk it down. Often we lose focus because we have the final goal in mind, but no plan for how we might get there. And while I’m a huge fan of winging it with style, some intentions really do need a road map. Get your mits on some free mindmap software and spend a little time brainstorming how to move forward with your intention. What specific steps will you need to take? Who exactly do you need to help you get there? What resources? Breaking your project down into steps will help you get clear on what you need to do next.
• Breathe. A frazzled state of mind does not serve you. Stand in front of a mirror and watch yourself as you breathe. Are your shoulders moving up and down with each breath? If so, then you need to go lower. Here’s a brilliant exercise for learning to breath more dynamically – place both hands on your back and feel for the base of your ribs. Take a long, slow breath in and concentrate on expanding this space between your hands as far apart as you can. It should feel like you are breathing into your back instead of your chest. Do this a number of times, and notice how much more relaxed and centered you feel.
• Drink more water and pay attention to what you eat. Being dehydrated does nothing for your ability to concentrate (just look what it does to a plant). And eating poorly only compromises your body and makes your job even harder. Think of how a child reacts to an overload of sugar and you’ll see what I mean – it’s like ADHD on steroids. If you need to focus, give you body the best chance of making it possible by sticking to clean and energising food.
• Wash the dishes to wash the dishes. Focus is simply another way of being mindful, and allowing yourself to truly sink into the awareness of a task is an essential skill. In The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hahn tells his students that while washing dishes, “one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes.” We often sleepwalk through life, our minds on one thing while our bodies play upon another, while never being truly present in either one. Becoming mindful strengthens your attention span, your concentration and fine tunes your awareness.
• Meditation. You will hear this from me often. When you turn down the volume inside your head for at least ten minutes a day (even if it’s just before you get out of bed in the morning) you access a clear and vibrant space where you can just be. I don’t think of it as chilling out or relaxing. If anything, it’s like an internal workout for your soul’s mojo. Shut the chatter down and use the silence inside to sharpen your creative edge.
• Remove the distractions. If you are having trouble focusing, what else is competing for your valuable attention? Turn off the radio, the tv, your phone or the social media stream popping up in your browser with every new tweet. Put a picture up on your wall instead that reminds you of your goal and focus on that.
• Clean up your space. Physical distractions can literally drain your energy – so go make your bed, wash those dishes, pick up the clothes all over your floor and do a spring clean. Once you have a place for eveything, your new Zen-like surroundings will be fertile with productivity.
• Change your state. Anthony Robbins begins every day of his seminars with a frenzy of jumping and bouncing and screaming and dancing for a good reason – this is because our physiology is crucial to how effectively we perform. Getting into a ‘peak state’ will transform the way you get things done – so if you start to feel your shoulders slump and your jaw tighten, go put on some of your favourite tunes and get your booty moving.
• Get in the vortex. The vortex is like being ‘in flow’ where time just flies and you feel awesome and you are focused only on the joy you are getting from whatever it is you are doing. This can happen just by soaking up the laughter of your children as they giggle at something funny. Or getting pumped playing a sport you adore, or being out in nature watching a spectacular sunset. When you experience something that makes you feel awesome in the moment, then consciously wallow in how good it makes you feel. Revel in it. Like meditation, it energises you and clarifies your intentions.
• Watch an inspiring talk or read something thought-provoking and passionate. Go to TED and you’ll find hundreds of incredible presentations by some of the most influential gamechangers there are. And once you’re done there, go and buy Seth Godin’s magnificent new book Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?- if you have any doubt about your ability to re-focus, change the world, make a difference and create art no matter what you do, then this will revolutionise the way you see your life’s purpose.

As Bruce Lee once said, “The successful warrior is the average man, but with laser-like focus.” Improving your focus can get you more of what you want, faster and easier…so go whip up some steam and fire up those resolutions once more!

Have you let your goals for the New Year slip? What strategies to regain (and maintain) focus have worked for you?

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

5 Simple Ways To Find More Time
Want A More Wildly Creative Life? Here’s 10 Easy Ways To Improvise!
10 Powerful Resources For Inspiring Change

‘Happiness is a journey, not a destination’.

The beginning of any year can be a turbulent but invigorating place.

It is the time when we pick over the year that was, piercing out the ruts and cracks that have tripped us up and held us back and tied us down; bad habits, unresourceful mindsets, unconciously poor attention to our lifestyles, our bodies, our families and our networks.

But we also have an opportunity to plan anew – to start building something of value instead of focusing on the tearing down of stuff that hasn’t served us.

There is always so much potential nestling in a New Year. We can dream big and wide. We can bust the cubicle apart. We can even plan to dominate the world.

But I want you to think for a moment about those times in your life where something that you have planned to do did not turn out the way you intended.

Your road map was supposed to take you from A to B. But somehow you went from A via somewhere among the Js and Ks before settling down on the crest of a P. Not where you expected to end up at all.

But funnily enough, sitting on the elegant curve of that wayward P is actually kind of a cool place to be. In fact, you would even sheepishly admit that P has turned out to be way cooler than B, and now you declare how lucky you were to have bypassed B in the first place.

Life is a journey.

Like the best adventures, it’s the unexpected stuff that happens along the way that gives us the most fun. It’s difficult to have a memorable trip where every day you keep to a strict itinerary, each experience expected and timetabled. This is the worst kind of package holiday, where you take a seat at the same time, next to the same people at the same table of the “same-old-same-old”.

The best journeys happen when life throws a little of the random at you.

(Like my trip to Rome in ‘96 – I arrived for my first 3 day visit, alone, with no accomodation booked. I found a seriously dodgy little hotel near the main termini, and went to find a meal in a half-deserted restaurant recommended by the hotel owner. As I sat eating my pasta and reading a book,  I overheard the voices of the couple at the next table – they were Australian, too. We started chatting, and it turned out that we had a best friend in common. After dinner I said goodbye to my new friends, and popped in to the supermarket next to the hotel to buy a bottle of water, where I bumped (literally) into an old high school friend who was now in the Navy and staying in town for two days. Now I had a sight-seeing buddy. Totally random fabulousness.)

So by all means, make plans. But plan from the end and allow some room for the random.

Because when you want to go somewhere new – like making the kind of epic change big enough to turn your world around – it’s not the plan that will get you there.

More often than not, it’s having the plan that stops you.

A plan can just get in the way. It limits your options and prevents you from taking advantage of the unexpected. It forces the flexibility out of your mindset when being flexible is essential to carve out a new way of doing things.

When water is trying to carve out a stream for itself, it doesn’t go in a straight line. It bends and curves, it eddies around obstacles until it reaches its destination. It doesn’t come up against a rock or a bank and just huff about, crying ‘I was meant to go that way!’ It just moves to where there is least resistance.

Have the goal in mind. Intend to get there. Make it your primary focus to just enjoy the journey. To stay relaxed and open to the randomness of what will inevitably be thrown in your path.

World domination can be yours. But only if you are open to the unfolding of the map as you go.

So stick your pin on that star in the sky, point yourself in the right direction and then go have an adventure!

Do you have trouble letting go of the control in your life? Have you noticed times when being flexible allowed the unexpected to get you where you needed to be? Share them in the comments below!

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

What The World Cup Can Teach You About Singing Away Your Fear
Why You Are Free To Jump
Why Your Back Up Plan Is Not Enough

Well, all I can say is finalmente.

It’s been almost three weeks since the birth of my little boy. Almost 21 days of soothing and rocking and holding and snuggling and swaddling, clutching at spare minutes of sleep and crisis-managing the occasional nappy FAIL.

But I am very pleased to confirm that he is truly scrumptious.

There is nothing more delicious than a newborn baby. There is a certain freshly-baked scent that barely lasts a day or two, but in those first hypnotic days it fills the room like a siren song. I’m sure it’s all part of the charm offensive…

I’m hooked. But I can now, with cast iron certainty, declare…never again.

Three kids?? Why, oh why did I start my blog three months before giving birth to baby three? What was I thinking? Why didn’t someone shake the hell out of me, slap my cheek in a kind of 30s movie style kinda way and say “For God’s sake woman, get a hold of yourself!”

Surely I was trying to do too much?

The truth is, you see, I have never been one to take it easy. If I start spinning a plate, I tend to say “What the hell, let’s spin twelve.” My imagination has always struggled to slow down and wait patiently for my circumstances to catch up, red-faced and puffing and apologising for the mess.

But despite the exhaustion and the guilt and the spinning spinning spinning, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because there is only NOW.

There is no perfect time. There is no ideal situation, no golden moment for you to start that life, that inspired business or that project you dream about in the early hours of the morning.

When I woke up back in October last year with my muse fizzing at my heels, I knew I had to start my blog that day. It didn’t matter that my whole life was due to be turned inside out and dangled upside down by a pair of tiny wrinkly hands in a matter of months.

If there is something you want to do, there’s nothing to stop you waiting until you feel the time is right.

But the risk with this strategy is that that right time never shows up. And sometimes when you miss the boat, you never get off the island.

I know my life just got a whole lot more complicated. I understand that the squishy, comfy center of my life is now fully overgrown by my three green and leggy children. ‘Me time’ is now what plays upon the fringes of my day. But that’s ok.

My scrumptious little boy is snoring in quick, faint little breaths by my side. My girls are building a cubby house out of pillows and quilts and fighting over Mr. Men cups in the next room.

And I’m writing my first post of the New Year, a head full of possibilities, while my muse is treating me to a much needed shoulder rub. (Well, I made that last bit up. But I can dream, can’t I?)

It’s delicious and it’s all mine.

If this post worked for you, perhaps you might like these too:

Are You Ready To Give Yourself Permission? Part One – Why I’m Mad At My Kids
10 Powerful Resources For Inspiring Change
When You Think The Law Of Attraction Just Plain Sucks